The Power of the Tongue...

To any of you that know me IRL and to those of you who have ventured through 4 years of blogs, you may know that the power of the tongue is something I feel very strongly about. I am often invited to speak on that subject alone and it's one that just gets my goat when people fly off at the mouth with no regard to consequences of what they are saying.

Isn't it amazing that a subject that I "know" so well, even in my pride of thinking "I know all there is to know on this subject", that the all knowing One... knows that you need a new lesson & a maybe a less than gentle reminder to guard your heart because out of it's abundance is what comes out of your mouth.

"You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation." Matthew 12:34-37 (The Message)

I am a participant in a women's bible study (I am not leading... and I am more than okay with that) and for the past week of our study we have been doing some expository digging into key scriptures that deal with our words. As I went through my lesson there was a few scriptures that really spoke to me but I really wanted to share one in particular.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV

I also like the more "wordy" Amplified version of this verse:

Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God's own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin). Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

As I looked at that verse it seemed to really makes sense to me. There is a process there.

1. Don't let anything foul or polluted come out of your mouth. The Amplified adds "ever". Ever? Even when someone drives less than desirably in front of me in traffic. I am personally working on this and my new out loud mantra has become "I will be a blesser and not a curser all the days of my life", typically at the top of my lungs.

2. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by holding onto the hurts. I say Tony Nolan speak last week and he gave the example of a boy holding onto a penny, when God wants to trade the penny for a $50 bill. My bitterness, indignation, wrath, resentment, quarreling, slander grieves the Holy Spirit who wants to be my comforter but can't when I am wrapped in a cloak of these things. He literally wants to trade me my pains for his comfort. Seems like a no brainer but has taken me 36 years to even begin to do.

3. Then "And become". As I guard my mouth, as I lay down my Louis Vitton, and trade it for the down comforter of the Holy Spirit, THEN, we get to be useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven us.

You can't be tenderhearted with a broken heart, you can't be tenderhearted when you are so full of pain that being tenderhearted would kill you. Tenderhearted comes from reckoning your pain with His and realizing that He took on pain here in this world to deliver us from ours. He didn't come so that we could "cope". Deliverance is achieved through death and resurrection.

Lord, I willingly trade the penny of my pain for the $50 worth of deliverance.

So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free. John 8:36

Be a blessing...

Walk in your deliverance.

Lord, I believe...

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24

I am holding on... for dear life. I am screaming your name. I have come to understand that I have exalted my problems above you. I have allowed them to put a fog between you and I. I have allowed pain to get in the way, instead of letting you take it away. I have struggled. I have done it every way I know how, except to get back to my foundation... which has and always will be YOU!

Thank you for leaving the 99 to come find this one. Thank you for planting me somewhere safe and for allowing me to trust your church again. Lord, use me, my testimony, my life, for your glory. Don't allow all of this to be for nothing. I trust you more than I trust me.

I put the pain down and put on Your full armor.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:10-18

I love that this verse starts with the word "Finally". Just kind of says it all...

In Him,

Endurance...

If insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, then what is endurance? Endurance is obedience unto death. Endurance is tenacity with a revelation in it's teeth. Endurance is running after you are exhausted, fighting when it appears you have lost, it's standing back up after the beating of a lifetime.

When I think about endurance, I can vision Jesus is The Passion Movie; hands tied as the centurions beat him relentlessly. I can't even endure to watch... then the carrying of the cross to Golgotha. Jesus withstood more as a man, then I will even fathom. Physically the last hours of his life here on earth were horrible. He literally was a dead man walking.

Insanity is trying it your own way, consistently. Insanity, is finding yourself in the same place over and over and not changing your reaction. There is no growth in insanity. It's like riding the Merry Go Round. You just hold on and go around and around. Endurance builds muscles as you bear weight, you might not go far but you are able to make progress in baby steps by putting one foot in front of the other. Insanity is pulling the covers over your head. Endurance is looking the day head on, knowing you might die, but doing it anyway. Endurance takes courage. It takes faith in a God whose 'love endures forever'. It takes hope in a better tomorrow.

My favorite song...

I love Miranda Lambert. When you see me driving down the road singing, with the windows up... at the top of my lungs... know that this is probably the song I am belting out. Tears streaking my make up... snot running.

Orphan...

Last night for the first time in years, I returned to the church of my youth. It was a very familiar place, although it appeared much bigger than I remembered. The lighting was different, and who occupied the seats, but you could feel the electricity of God. When I sat down I picked up a pen and began to write on the pad I brought. I feel the need to share with you this morning what I wrote to Him last night.

Lord, I can feel you here.
My heart dances in my chest with anticipation of your divine presense. Lord, I learned to throw up or blow up in this house.
Lord, rhema - please.
Refill the empty dry places-
Welcome me back in to the house the way of the Father & the prodigal son. I don't claim to understand this season of our lives- but Lord I know that there is something in me that just needs to dance for you-
I reject the fear of rejection. I reject the orphan spirit. In the name of Jesus!
I am so tired of feeling disqualified and disposible.
Lord, I know that you have a purpose for me - Lord - Lord - Lord
Lord Jesus - only you.

As I sat there and poured this out, there were emotions and revelations. I have lived a long life of rejection. I honestly believed for most of my life that I was disposable. That my life counted for nothing... I lived that out loud with my actions... and I dwelled on it with suicidal thoughts through my late 20's. I didn't realize until last night that I also dealt with an orphan spirit. I am thinking that we dealt with some of it maybe while I was going through my restoration healing sessions. I remember maybe addressing it. However, last night it resounded in me. I tied it all together for the first time.

The only conditional love I have ever known here on earth, has come from people who didn't have to love me. There are family dynamics that I won't go into here... but both my father and my mother chose others over me. No condemnation - just revelation. I was pushed to the side for circumstances. Somewhere in me, I realized that I was disposable. I lived with a "I will never be good enough" thought pattern, I still do. I have dealt with it in my marriage, I have dealt with it when coming into ministry.

I feel as though I have no real roots. I think that is what happens when you don't grow up around extended family. My core family growing up were nomadic. There is no family land that has been in the family for generations. My grandparents relocated to Florida, then my parents followed. I don't have a sister, my brother is ten years younger than I am. Somewhere that family connection didn't form. Everything seems so compartmentalized to me. My parents, my mom, my brother. No unity, only discord and strife. There is no connection with aunts, uncles or cousins. There is no heritage, no tradition.

I don't think I put all of that together until these last 24 hours. Even within the church. The only place that I ever dug into and established roots, disqualified me. You take someone who doesn't know to how to connect, and put her continually in new enviroments, what she begins to do is stay disconnected.

I believe that this is the revelation into the root of my pain. I have floated above the surface until someone has wanted me. Sexually, intellectually, emotionally. In those relationships, I still walked away empty, the rejection, the abandonment... an orphan with no where to call home. I dread holidays at my parents house because I am always feel like an outsider, like everyone is doing me some huge favor by allowing me to be here. There is no connection.

This is just the beginning. Of that I am sure. You can't heal what is in the dark. God brings this like this into the light so that they can be examined.

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Psalm 139:1-6&23-24 The Message

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