Humble pie is better with friends...

Today I choose to live a day of integrity.
Today I choose to not get offended and to forgive quickly.
Today I choose to be a loving mother and an encouraging wife.
Today I choose to walk forward in my relationship with Christ.
Today I choose to forgive myself the way that Christ has forgiven me.
Today I choose to walk in the joy of the Lord.
Today I choose to humble myself.

This morning as I ponder my weekend I think that I have found something else to work on long term. I believe it's an every day crucification of self that takes us closer to God and to his righteousness.

Luke 9:23-25 says "Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

What does it really mean to deny yourself? In my experience this weekend it is still the comparison game. I went with my old church on a conference this weekend. In my own pride, I made sure to dress just a few notches above what I expected everyone else to wear. The only one that I made uncomfortable was myself. Climbing to the top of the arena in my high heeled boots. I was thankful that I didn't fall and I never complained about how much it was killing me to do it. But I looked good. Why was that so important to me? I want everyone to believe that I have it all together. Appearances are everything, or are they?

The Lord gave me grace for the weekend. He looked down on me, his princess, his daughter and I am sure that he was giggling at me as I climbed up to an altitude that shouldn't be allowable to watch the people look like ants on the platform. In His strength I was able to face old hurts and move forward, even in my boots, and my starched shirts while everyone else was in their Crocs and jeans. Pride is such a horrible thing. It really is.

So I get home from this wonderful conference, I laughed so hard it hurt. I spent time with my mothers (my mother and my mother in law - you'd think that would invoke humility but it didn't) and had a really great time of resting in the company of 20,000 other Christian women. Tired, aching feet (those boots, I should throw them out) and my family takes the brunt of the lack of sleep I had at the hotel. I was on my A game at the conference but then I come home and give my family the worst of me.

James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

When you don't humble yourself it can and will lead to this great process invented by God himself. It's called humiliation. God again, loving me in his divine goodness waited until I was among friends to bring me back to the place of submission. That's his grace and his provision. He could have made me trip in those awesome boots in the arena in front of all of those thousands of women but he didn't. He let me come home to my place of comfort and experience it with people whom love me.

For the last few months my husband and I have been teaching a class on Boundaries in Marriage. For those of you who don't know, when you teach you usually learn more than the participants. It's as if God really wants you to get the lessons that you teach. Its the whole Moses had to live in the desert for 40 years before he could lead the Israelites through the deserts for 40 years ideology. So, last night we were supposed to host a dinner at our home for our class participants. Another chance to prove that I have it all together. Cleaned the house, prepared the food, then the inevitable humiliation lesson had to be learned. Some would call it an attack on our marriage because we were doing something worthwhile. I know in this circumstance it was nothing short of the hand of God stepping in to teach my household a few lessons that couldn't be taught any other way.

One hour before the arrival of everyone, in an instant - it all went haywire. I don't know about anyone else but the last hour before company arrives I tend to get a little overwhelmed (aka insane). As I was trying to teach (ok, that made me laugh just thinking about that word), I was nothing short of yelling at my sons about the fine art of cleaning out the litter box, my husband jumped into my insanity. Isn't it sweet of him to not want me to suffer alone? Now there are 2 insane people running around the house, the yelling continued until he looked at me and said "Cancel it!". Then in his attempt to get off the merry go round of insanity got in his truck and left. I made one phone call. Told this one participant what was going on and that I needed him to make the phone calls for me. Still not getting the whole "humble yourself" lesson. Oh how I wish I wasn't so slow sometimes. Well my husband came back in the door 15 minutes later and we were able to talk, to talk with the children and we have decided that we were just going to have some good family time.

At the appointed time of gathering, people started showing up. I thought that I was going to get out of this without having to share my lesson with others. I really thought (how silly of me) that I was going to be able to keep up the facade that everything in our home operates without instance and we are the perfect little family. So as a few of them showed up I had to be honest and tell them what had transpired over the last 2 hours and ask their forgiveness for my pretense. As the left they all said that they would pray for me and my husband.

God was so good to do it with people who know us. Who have known us for years and were able in their actions to tell us it was okay. That they didn't expect us to be perfect and that it helps them to know that even the teacher falls sometimes.

Lord, I thank you for your lessons. For your love that is so grand that even in our weakness, our pride and in our best boots, you love us enough to get us back on track to you and your throne. Lord, this morning I sit in awe of you once again, in your goodness and your overwhelming grace for those that love you. Lord, forgive me for my pride, and as I walk down this path, I pray that you continue to teach me the lessons so that I can always find you. I give you all the power and the glory. In Jesus mighty humble name, Amen.