New Hat

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”- 1 John 3:18

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile." - Romans 1:16

For years I have had different hats for every where I entered. Church, well there is my teacher/preacher hat, home there is my wife hat, my mother hat, my time of the month hat. When I would go to my parents there was a certain hat. Everywhere I went there was a certain "mindset" or there were certain "expectations" of myself either self-induced (which it is 99% of the time) or others induced. Throughout the past few days I really feel like God has been showing me what true freedom looks like.

James 1:6-8, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

I have prayed to be single-minded. God-minded. In all things at all times. Whether I am with my family, my friends , or at my church house. However, when I would walk in certain doors, all of that faith, all of myself, all of the blessings that God has so graciously poured out at my feet would go out the window and I would again find myself wearing the hat. I would pick up right where I left off, despite the fact that God had and continues to change me.

This week has been a time of great revelation in my life of how I would wear the hats out of fear. If I act a certain way they will accept me. There is my fear of rejection screaming for attention again. As I continue to seek God's face to see all that I am really free from the fears that I have carried are coming to the surface more and more. They started out as simple things, I am no longer afraid to drive behind a trailer, I am not afraid of rats. As I have really prayed about it...as I have started talking to my husband I have realized that my fears were much more deep seeded than just the obvious. I was still afraid that my marriage would fall apart. I was afraid that something I had shared with my Pastor and his wife a few years ago would disqualify me in their eyes. If I don't go to Bible College, I don't have enough qualifications to be in the ministry. I am no longer afraid that I am going to end up in what my parents called "the poor house".

I have talked to quite a few people this week about the revelation of my fears. They all, including my Pastor, were all quite shocked that I was gripped by fear. Everyone has said that I hid it very well. I had entire routines that I would perform to quiet the fears. My husband knew I had certain things that I would do in cycles, but he was only beginning to realize that they were motivated by fear. He would go out of town, I would shop. I had to speak in front of people for the first time, I would have to have a new outfit. If I was anxious, I "needed" a pedicure. If I had to face something life changing I wanted the safety of my husbands arms and the fullness that only he can give me.

Today however, I am all done. Today I am free. Today I don't live in fear. How did I do it? I was finally convinced of God's great love and protection of me. Are there still going to be times that I hiccup in my faith. I am sure. I am sure that this will still be an on going decision and an ongoing process. I by no means feel like I have arrived at glory. But I am trading in all my hats. I think of myself now, in just one hat, probably something that looks like what the Cat wears in all of the Dr. Seuss books.

Dear Lord, I thank you for your revelation in my life. I love and honor you for being so forthcoming in the things that you are wanting to free me from. I thank you for the Cross, I thank you for making a timid little girl brave. Praise you Lord, Lord please continue to use me even as you are leading me down this path.



Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it. - CS Lewis

Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughter of Zion. - Isaiah 52:2

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:36

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. - 2 Corinthians 3:17

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. - Galatians 5:1

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love. Galatians 5:13

For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant. - Hebrews 9:15

The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life. - Revelation 22:17


Ready to Fly

Isaiah 40:30-31, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I was watching the movie "The Game Plan" this weekend with my family. In it the Dad played by The Rock tells his daughter that all athletes get pre-game jitters. I was thinking about where I have been for the last couple of weeks. I have ministered more of God's love in the last few weeks than I ever have. I have ministered God's love when on the inside I was dying and will continue to do so more and more as I continue to come into what God has for me. But I think that the lesson for the last few weeks has been to continue to hope in the Lord. Despite the pre-game jitters, this is just the beginning for me.

See, no matter what, Jesus is still on the throne. He is still interceding for me, He is still dancing over me. I am still seated with him the heavenly places, I still have my inheritance and I am still a child of God. But here is the kicker...he's doing it for you too at the same time. In my journey to healing I have had to come to terms with the fact that it's not just me, that there are other's out there as well that are dying - bearing their own crosses. They have their own burdens, their own knapsacks to carry and no matter how much I want to I can't hand them my Louis Vitton and expect them to carry it for me.

I have fought all my life to hand off this piece of luggage. I have tried to give it to my parents, my husband, my friends, my mentors, my pastors. They can't carry it for me. They really can't. I wish that they could but they can't. And as each of them told me no, I just stuffed more inside the luggage and continued to drag it around and let it wear me out and to keep me tethered so that I could only go so far, I could only fly so high. It anchored me to my old self, my old heart, my old life. No, I didn't live there anymore but I let it determine how far I could go. I let it be the circumference of my tree. It made me justify myself, it enabled me to always remember who I was, but very rarely whose I am. It's definition of whose and the one I wanted were two very different things.

Yesterday, I cut some of the strings that have held me there for so long. I may have hurt some others along the way and for that I am truly sorry, but I picture a skeleton in shackles if I don't get free from this place. I have to get free, really free from the hurts. I want to get past licking my own wounds, past my own self, so that I can freely minister the love of Christ. I know that it is a process. I know that it's not a one time thing and that even as I did it yesterday that there will be more layers to peel away on this onion. I understand that. But I know that right now God is calling me to more and I have to "set it down". Only I can prevent forest fires (love you ladies)!!

The Dove

Just let me go
Spread my wings
Let me fly
Let me be
Happiness over the cliff
Over the sea
Flying over mountains
Joyous to be free
Living a life full of quiet
Overflowing with peace
Taken over by love
Flying high in the sky
Through the clouds
All alone
I am a dove

~ JL 1989

Even in high school - I was really ready to go. I started my journey, I got lost a lot along the way, but I did get off at Exit 3:14 early enough that no matter how lost I got, that I was at least among the love of God. What a precious thing.

But today, I am walking lighter, today I choose to not pick up that worn out and battered piece of luggage. Yesterday I surrendered it at the alter. Today I chose to leave it there. Today I chose to let Jesus have it. Today I chose to put faith in his healing power, I chose to let him do whatever he wants to do with those hurts, but what I know is that His blood is enough.

Lord, today I come to say Lord I lay it all down for you, my Savior, my King. I honor your sacrifice for me, I can't even put into words the love...the admiration. Lord, you said that you work all things good to those who follow your word. Lord, I chose to be obedient. No matter what it looks like, no matter what others think. Lord, I don't want any glory, I want it all to go to you. Lord, I want to be used by you, for your purpose. Lord, I am tired of being a ministry, I am ready to be free flowing in ministry. I want to love other's with your arms, I want to minister out of you and your fullness and the only way to do that is to do it through my brokenness. Lord, I lay at the foot of the throne today, prostrate before you Lord and say, your love is enough. Your definition of me is enough. I chose to believe what you say about me. Your love is extravagant and more than enough to infill me. Thank you Lord. I praise you and give you all the glory, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


My Best Friend

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

I have always believed that this is the key verse on marriage in the Bible. I have known a few marriages that have survived without these two ingredients but not many. But, I don't know that I really understood the fullness of this verse until recently. My life has changed drastically since the Men's Encounter my husband went on a few weeks ago. I can't really put it into words the difference it has made in our home. This gentle peace that flows out of him now that wasn't there before.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day with all that would imply. Wednesday night when I got home from church there were flowers and candy waiting for me on the table. I quickly put his bag of goodies together and left them on the bed while he was in the shower. The giddy cute love that brought us together in the beginning. It was all things fun and cute and reminiscent of years gone by. The fun side of love.

Last night after we got home from a family dinner out, (our kids are our Valentine's as well), my husband got his shower and came out to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream. We sat at the dining room table forever. Talking about what it feels like to me to be in ministry. The emotions that I experience, the hurt that I feel when I try to articulate something and no one seems to understand what I am talking about. How that even now I deal with my rejection issues, my feelings of being disposable. How as I move forward I still feel a need to prove my qualifications for the places that I sit. We talked about how I have carried that into my ministry and into our marriage.

He ministered to me in a whole new way. It's funny how I feel like I have had to earn every lesson, I have had to hit my head against every wall and somehow, all of that is already in my husband. He starts talking about my judgments of people, how people are really less concerned with my qualifications than I am. He talked to me about how he has had to hem me in. How sometimes he does have to sit on me because I tend to want to jump over the cliff. We talked about the balance that it takes and how we are in this together.

Okay, first off, let me tell you the only thing we have ever been together in is the business. We do well with our home but most of this ministry stuff was me all by myself. He didn't tell me no, and he didn't complain but he really took no role in my encouragement. I had mentors and friends that did that for me. But this morning, I would say, he has taken that role in my life that I have longed for him to take for years. He knows me better than anyone, he can see my blind spots, he can guide me, if I will just let him.

Did this come about because of a change in him, absolutely. Could this have happened without that? I am not sure - I can't really say. But what I know is that it is happening now. Some of the women have had real issues with their husbands coming back and dealing with the changes. Some women have really struggled to find their place among these men. Women have led the families for a long time. We teach our children the Word, we carry them to church by ourselves. We feel like we are the only ones really getting a hold of God. We feel like we have had to stand in the gap for our families because our husbands wouldn't do it. The hard part of that is when they take that place. When they come in and ask for their rightful roles in the family, we as women, can get our panties in a wad. I know mine were!!

As I prayerfully prepare for my own Encounter Weekend, I am reminded of all the times I have cried out to God for him to change my husband. You know, he did change him, but he has changed me as well. And will continue to change us until we are knit together in one accord with Christ. My children the other day were all with me piled up on my bed. My daughter says, "If Daddy came home that free, just imagine what Mommy is going to be like." My children all laughed and had a hay day with the thoughts of what it will be like when I get home. My oldest son, a few weeks from being a teenager says, "I don't know what it will look like, but like Momma says, Bring it".

Proverbs 31:28, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."

Lord, this morning, I come to you with all of the humility I can muster. Lord, I say to you that you are good, and your love endures. You have heard my cries, you have planted these desires in my heart all my life. Father, to have a husband to lead me as I go through this. Father, even a husband that would have a role in the ministry that you have planted within me. Father, I just thank you. I thank you that he is able to take the place that I have tried to fill with others. Lord, that even as I have looked at my mentors and my friends to keep me encouraged Lord, that it is his rightful place to sit. Lord, continue to let me hear the wisdom that you have placed in him. I really do thank you Lord for giving him to me. I see his as such a gift. I repent for trying to fill his shoes Lord. I set down my need to be the leader of this family and submit to his anointing and the calling that he has on his own life. Lord, it's not just all about me. I thank you for moving my whole family forward. I thank you for the hope that you have planted in my children, the have such anticipation of what you are doing for us Lord. Praise you Lord, I love you and I give you all the glory and the honor. In Jesus name. Amen.


Pioneers Do It - No Matter What!

"The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." - Genesis 12:1

In order to be a pioneer, or a forerunner for Christ, then there are a few sacrifices that are required. You must leave everything that you have ever known behind. You have to be brave and courageous, you can't hold on to what could have been on what should have been, you just have to walk.

Mark 1:17-18, "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of me." At once the left their nets and followed him.

They set down everything that they knew to follow him. They didn't ask questions, they didn't know where they were going, they just went. Yeah, that's what a pioneer does. They knew something was coming and that they had to be apart of it. The didn't want to miss out and their passion and their belief outweighed their sense of responsibility. Pioneers have to have a spirit of adventure.

Pioneers often get mocked. Even as Jesus was mocked. Pioneers will be hated and envied.

1 John 3:13, "Do not be surprised my brothers, if the world hates you."

John 15:18-20, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

Others will curse your anointing because theirs isn't the same. They will say and do things to hurt you on purpose, and can often be used as a pawn of Satan. Even Peter a great friend and follower of Christ was able to be used in that way.

Mark 8:33, " But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

When you are a front runner, keep in mind that the arrows land in your back. Your rear guard can and will be the ones to try and take you out. Judas was part of Jesus' closest 12. He wasn't some guy who walked up to curse Him. He had lived with Jesus, they had spent hours together. Judas was chosen to be a disciple, just as the others were. Yet He was the one that handed him over.

Luke 22:3-6, "Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. They were delighted and agreed to give him money. He consented, and watched for an opportunity to hand Jesus over to them when no crowd was present."

Sometimes the pioneers scenery doesn't change. Sometimes, while doing exactly what the Lord has called us to do we look out over the same sea of faces. We hear the same cryings, we listen to the same issues. Jesus didn't heal everyone, and neither can we. He didn't touch everyone, and neither can we.

Jesus was about His Father's business, he didn't get caught up in being politically correct, he didn't get caught up in doing what his followers wanted him to do. He didn't do it for them he did it for Him. That's what caused everyone to want to kill Jesus. He went against the grain, he ruffled some feathers, he called a sinner a sinner and he turned over tables. He wasn't limited to their understanding and He wasn't limited to their schedule, or their timing.

Jesus wasn't limited to his past. He didn't apologize for his calling, he didn't attempt to make it better for everyone else that this was the way that God created Him. He said "follow me" and they did. He didn't care if it was in their box or out of their box.

Listening to our Pastor this Sunday really freed me from a lot of stuff. I have worn myself out, trying to make my anointing okay for other people. I have tried to hide it, I have tried to live it quietly. I am all done doing all that "I" can do. People want to think that I am exhausted from the fight, and I am but not the one that they see. I don't want to only walk in the anointing on Sunday morning when people are prepared for it. I want to walk in it everyday. I don't want to have to switch hats to suit their feelings. It wears me out trying to remember who I have to be for everyone else. It dilutes me and it dilutes my character, it dilutes my integrity. God has called me for such a time as this, my past is over. I am moving forward. I can't wait for people to catch up, I can't carry anyone, I can't make it any better for anyone. Most of all I can't make my Father wait on me any longer.

John 2:5, "His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

Even his mother knew that he was one to be obeyed.

"Through mighty outpourings of the Holy Spirit, intensive teaching, extensive testing and suffering, He will raise up a company of disciples worldwide that possess the grace, truth, compassion and power of the first-century church - and even more, for the glory of the latter house shall be greater than the former." - Greg Hinnant. I have only one thing to say about this quote - BRING IT!!!

Father, this morning I come to you and say you have a passion that burns so deep in me that I can't stand it. I can't contain it any longer - it burns me from the inside out. Father, teach me to be compassionate with it while still keeping it real. Father, let my heart not judge people but allow me to discern the spirits behind them. Even as you discerned with Peter and with Judas. Lord, let me love them enough and trust them enough to give them the truth. Lord, this is life or death, this isn't anything less than that. You created me to be a free radical for you. Lord, for months I have knows that there would be a jumping over the cliff into what you have for me. Lord, even as I am jumping, even as I don't know when or where I will land some are trying to hold me to where I have always been. Lord, I choose you. No matter what the price - friends, family, I lay all of that down, I lay my own life down and say unto death Lord, I will follow you. I can't do anything less anymore. I give you my children, my responsibilities, my husband. You are what I desire. Lord, guide my steps - cover me. I am running after you...even as a pioneer you are with me. Bless you Jesus, Bless you Father, Holy Spirit continue to call me forth. Continue to teach me, continue to prod me. I give you all the glory, all the honor, all authority rests in you King Jesus, you are my King. In Jesus' name. Amen.


Manna from Heaven

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”- 1 Corinthians 13: 6-7

God loves me, do you know how I know? Because even when I purpose to have some time for him to minister to me, he sends friends who love me enough to speak encouragement to me. The don't make it about them, the bring an offering of encouragement and they walk away. I appreciate them and I thank God for them. I am going to share a few of the encouraging things I received yesterday.

One friend sent me this verse...

"but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD." - Jeremiah 9:24

The faith she has in me, she stands behind me and hold my arms for me when I am too weak and I praise God for her. She also sent...

And that was enough to get my river of snot rolling. I got emailed prayers, I got voice mails, I got everything that I needed yesterday to stop beating myself up and to move on with my week.
I called my mentor last night and told her where I was. I halfway think she was expecting the phone call. God has been very good to establish safe places in a life that knew no safety for a long time. I praise God for that.

Then this morning I woke up and read my emails, this was waiting for me...

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns -- February 12, 2008:
You've been on what seemed to be a strange and unsettling roller-coaster ride. Now, you find yourself somewhat disoriented and trying to figure out what was real and what was just your active imagination. Take a deep breath, let the proverbial dust settle, and refuse to take your emotions seriously. Arise out of the activity of your soul into the realm of the Spirit, and seek My face. I will give you wisdom and point the way to My perfect will in your life. I will clarify and separate what the enemy has tried to do and what your own desires have tried to obtain from spiritual truth and reality, says the Lord.
Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

So today again I would say, Lord, show me where to go. Show me what to say. My day is yours and I trust you to put me where you need me and to do what you would have me to do. I praise you Father, you are everything I want, everything that I desire, and even unto death Lord, I will live my life for you. Lord have your way. Lord, there is nothing of mine that you didn't give me, that you didn't walk with me through, that you didn't equip me for. Lord, I submit my life, my breath and my utter existence to you and your will. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


Right Here

"Only by pride cometh contention," Proverbs 13:10

Sitting reading The Old Schoolhouse Magazine yesterday this is what jumped off the page at me. I don't like to think of myself as a prideful person but for all of the contention I am facing right now I am thinking I may need to do a reality check on myself. The contenders are big hitters, they have known me a long time and they can play me like a typewriter. Are my responses out of my pride?

"You are so low and off base that you cannot even see how obvious this thing is from my view. If you would just lift your eyes to my greatness, you might just get a clue what I'm talking about. Of course, I don't normally verbalize that (but the rolling of the eyes is a good mime for it.)" Deborah Wuehler, Senior Editor The Old Schoolhouse

How often do I relay that to others around me? It has to do with my heart and my alignment with Christ. This is one of those things that it doesn't matter how much I believe that they are out of line. If this is my response, or if this is the feeling of my heart than I have a problem. Yes, I know my heart is hurting, yes, I know that they are playing my buttons, yes, ... okay stopping there before "agains" start pouring out.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So if in my pride I approach my adversaries the same way I always have, and expect them to see the part that they play in my hurts, if I expect them this time to take accountability for my pain...I am the one going insane. It's not going to happen, unless Jesus fixes it there is no hope for true reconciliation. It's going to continue to hurt, it's going to continue to be a challenge until, what? Until, I can lay down my pride. Until I can be the bigger person and walk in the fullness of my healing. I'd love to throw them out of my boat. I'd love to say, this far and no farther. And I can on some issues. I can lay some healthy God approved boundaries. I can get hurt when the enemy shoots at me but I know to go to the Healer, and let him heal me.

Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;

hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

at the voice of the enemy,
at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me
and revile me in their anger.

My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.

Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;

I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm."

Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech,
for I see violence and strife in the city.

Day and night they prowl about on its walls;
malice and abuse are within it.

Destructive forces are at work in the city;
threats and lies never leave its streets.

If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God.
Psalm 55:1-14

1 Peter 5:6-8, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

Humble yourselves. That means no pride. That means I have to take off that cloak of pride and self-righteousness, entitlements - "I deserved better". The whole 'I am the daughter of the King yes you may bow now' mentality. If I humble myself, and lay down my pride, in due time - when Jesus says "Okay, that is enough, let her up now," he will lift me out of the pit of tribulation - maybe, if it's His will.

Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

The good news is He is with me. He is strengthening me, He is helping me. I am not in this alone. I am not taking over the world alone, I am not war-ing alone. I am not battling this alone. He is with me. He knows my adversaries by name, He knows that he is trying to teach me through them. He knows.

I can trust Him in this area of my life. With a renewed strength this morning it is when I can come to Him and bear my hurts with Him. When I can remember that He is right here, that He is my Rock and my Redeemer, when I can remember that - then I can walk again.

Lord, I know that you are about to open up something major, I know that and I understand that. I know that right now there is a fight for me and my attention. I feel very strongly that there is a spirit of distraction that is trying to keep me from focusing on you and your promises for me. Lord, I rebuke that spirit and I pray Lord for your protection today. I cover my family, my home and all things that you have given me authority over in the blood of your sacrifice today. Lord, I can still smell the anointing oil on my forehead this morning and I am reminded of your presence and your calling on my life. Lord, please help me to be mindful of the distractions and the things that the enemy would use to bind me up and keep me from being effective for you. You are my only desire. You are my only need, yours is the only approval or love that I seek. It is in you that I find me. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.


Whatever my lot...

God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love. ~ CS Lewis

"Do do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

By faith Father I come to you. Lord, fill me anew with you. The burden today is heavy, my heart aches but Lord Jesus, you are still on the throne and that makes it all good. Bless you, I honor you and give you all of the praise today. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.


Prayer Request

My friend Dawn's Dad went home to be with Jesus last night. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

No matter what the circumstances Jesus is still on the throne. ~JL


I am Qualified!

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." Colossians 1:10-12

Oh I love Paul. I love this man that God took from a persecutor and made him one of the greatest of all times. He is so real, so humble and so right on. I have struggled for as long as I can remember with my worth. Really, it all seems to go back to that place. Rejection, abandonment, disposable, not good enough, unworthy. Unqualified, disqualified, never enough, too broken, too damaged. Then there is another side of me that holds everyone to such high standards that they can't help but feel that way as well. I project my inadequacies upon others. My children, my husband, others.

I love this verse from Paul, "joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you". Knowing that God is the one who qualifies me, it is his choice, then who if anyone has the ability to disqualify me? Do I have the ability to disqualify myself...well I think that David disqualified himself from building the temple of God. As the same time what God had predestined for David's life did come. God established His kingdom in David even if David didn't get to build the building. David's purpose was fulfilled even if he didn't get to see it in his lifetime, so again I ask, is it possible to disqualify what God qualified?

I honestly don't think so. I believe that God looks upon us a guiltless , anointed, appointed and called. After what he experience with his Son, I don't think that he can see the sin that we carry. The condemnation is not from him. He loves us, he wants to teach us, he wants to grow us up, but he doesn't want to condemn us. Satan condemns us to keep us from crawling up on the lap of our Father and laying our heads on his chest the way that John did Jesus. Satan brings back the things that separate us from our Father, he wants to get us off in the dark and away from the comfort of the body of Christ to keep us from living in the fullness of what God has for us. He wants us to believe that we are disqualified, unworthy etc. In that way he can keep us from being effective. He can keep us in the corner licking our wounds instead of out there carrying God's sword being effective for the kingdom.

"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

Lord, I trust you. I trust that your word says that I am called, appointed, set aside. Lord, I no longer take some of it as truth but not all of it. Lord, thank you for teaching me how to apply this to my own life - how to take your word and integrate it into my heart. I thank you that no one can disqualify what you have called worthy. Thank you Lord, you are so good to me. You love me in such an extravagant way. I give it all to you again this morning. Praise you, all powerful, all mighty one. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.