"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. ~Matthew 6:30-33 (The Message)
Why is this so hard for us? Why is it so hard to trust God with our daily lives? I have been struggling in the land of transition so long that I am beginning to feel like the Israelites in the desert. Transition is hard. It's not knowing and not understanding what is going on around you or even knowing where you are going to end up.
This has been an extremely hard season for me personally. I have like the Israelites, yelled at God for better provision, I have mumbled, complained, questioned and blamed my leaders. I have prayed for answers, begged for plans, and have kept more negative thoughts that I would like to admit. I have secluded myself from the ones that I knew would speak God to me. I ran from the church, my friends and yes, even my family. I just wanted a map, a direction, so that I could know that I was moving in the right direction. Because "I" thought I had some control over it. I have learned, albeit ever so slowly, that I am out of control. I do not have the ability in my humanness to figure out God or His ways. Isaiah 55:8 tells us that, but do we truly understand? I don't. I know that I don't understand His ways.
I am tired of trying to figure them out. Worn out, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Although I am getting my footing back by getting back into the Word, the church and surrounding myself with people who draw God out of me.
You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. Matthew 5:8 MSG
I want to see God in the outside world. I want to trust that His hand is working to my good, I want to trust Jeremiah 29:11 with all of my heart. But somehow, with the shame filter, the pain filter, the life experience filter in place I have found that trust is just not something that I do, well or otherwise. I have a responsibility to trust God, I have a responsibility to love God. It's really all He asks of me. But how does a non-truster become a truster?
I learned to trust a system, if I follow these particular steps, THEN, I will be good enough. Well that theory was blown to bits in the last 2 years. I was doing the plan, working the plan, my star was beginning to show. BAM! Nothing. So the system isn't the answer. People, if I invest enough in people, if I pour enough of God filtered through me into people, THEN, I will be good enough. The truth is, I will never be good enough. Because if I could be good enough than I wouldn't be need a Savior.
So, by faith, I decide to trust my Savior. I decide to trust my loving God that loves me enough to temper me by using my circumstances to turn me back to Him. My faith has been tested and in the end all I have is my faith, trust, and love for my Father, His Son, and His Comforter. All of whom have done nothing but taught me how to trust them.
Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got! Deuteronomy 6:5 The Message.