I have come to understand that God has held me safe against His chest for months and months. I know that He has hedged us in and provided safety and provision in a very tangible way. When I lay on my stomach at night to go to sleep it is God that I give my anxieties to. I thank Him for our new life, our new start, and I remind Him that I trust Him enough not to ask questions. As a woman who has striven to be all that she could be, I know that there is none of that left for me now. I have stepped out of the drivers seat and have given Him alone the keys.
There will be a new church to find, there will be friendships to make, questions to ask, to do lists to accomplish. That all comes with transition and I trust that He alone will guide my steps and that my "knower" will go off when I have something that He wants me to pick up. I won't live in fear or what tomorrow brings, I won't live in fear of the field gear in the closet and I refuse to live in fear of the "what ifs". I have ridden the train on a few thoughts lately and I keep bringing myself back to God. That God will give me what I need when I need it and until then I am in the place to love my kids, to encourage my husband and to love my God with a love that is deeper, stronger, more confident than ever before. I don't have any answers but I have faith and trust in a God that has orchestrated my future and the destinies of my family.
I have been rather quiet. The confidence that I had found for myself in FL has waned, the anxiety that I felt in NC is gone. It's just me and God walking through this life. Everything else is going to come and go. My kids are going to grow up and move on. My husband is going to deploy for schools and to theaters that I will never know or understand. It's not a declaration of loneliness in as much as it is an understanding that God is the constant. The same yesterday, today and tomorrow. There is a life for us here, I know that, our housing will come available later this week, we will move out of the hotel and begin to establish a new normal. It's the sitting still that begins to wear on me. The hurry up and wait philosophy of the military, yet knowing, that it's God's time frame, and not theirs that causes the delays and accelerations.
Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. Ephesians 2:7-10
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