Pink Elephants in Marriage... faking or taking it by the Tusk.

So often in our society marriages come and go faster than a Texas rain storm. As a woman about to celebrate 16 years of marriage I was disheartened to read that the Gore's marriage was splitting after almost 40 years. As I was reading this article, Evangelical: 'Separation' for Married Couples Can be a Good Thing, I was elated to read what Focus on the Family had to say about marriages. This one in particular.

So often our churches want people to put on fake faces and pretend that there aren't issues in marriages. I know that my husband and I have walked in that path and then when crisis finally hits everyone is so shocked by the truth they don't know how to react. How many couples suffer in silence about the pink elephants that live in their living room. We may not even know what is wrong but we know that our marriage isn't what we expect it to be, maybe it isn't meeting our needs, maybe our expectations are too much for one another. What I know is that there are a lot of lonely married people out there.

We are bombarded with what sex should look like and how often we should be "doing it". I am going to go out on a limb here and say that our contemporary media outlets and the accessibility of pornography set  marriages up to fail before they ever begin. Pornography requires nothing out of the person that is watching it, there is no trash to carry out, there is no responsibility to love and care for the fantasy. It can easily be picked up and set down and it has bred generations that want instant gratification without responsibility. I was talking to a man the other day, he told me that he and his wife hadn't had sex in months. That she wasn't into toys and stuff. I looked him square in the eye and told him maybe all she wants is you. Just moments before I had overheard him talking about the best porn sites and how he erases the history as a habit every time he gets off the computer. The bad part is that he was talking to a single woman who was throwing more sites at him.  When single woman share the same interest, and the wife is wanting responsibility and a relationship is it any wonder that affairs are so rampant? Then the man invited me to his church.

I have often thought that marriages and sex should be talked about in church. Men should be able to come clean, women should be able to come clean. We hide all of these feelings of insecurity when we walk into the church. We put on a pretty face, we sing, we clap, we take notes of the sermon and then we leave with the pink elephant sticking out of the back of our SUVs.

So how do we get rid of the elephants? We eat them, one bite at a time. Marriages are a precious and sacred union that God gave us as his first gift to man. Marriage is the toughest kind of love there is. There is no greater reward than looking at my husband after 16 years and knowing that we went to the pit of hell so many times but that we have a God of reconciliation and restitution that has destroyed everything we built up as an idol in our marriage. He tore us back down to our foundation. Are we going to get it perfect from this day forward? Probably not. But the greatest lesson that God has taught me is that there is no one else I want to share this adventure with than the man that God gave me in my youth. Has he broken my heart, absolutely, and I have his. Our union is so much stronger now, after learning to set aside our insecurities and talking to one another about our deepest fears and most unreal expectations of one another.

I love marriages. I love talking about marriages. If you ever meet me in real life it's probably the first question I will ask you. I honestly believe it's a question that needs to be asked. How is your marriage? I grew sick of the elephant in my living room. I didn't know what to do about it. I prayed for relief and was surprised in the way that God showed up and gave me a fork and knife. There is no way to eat an elephant by yourself. You need God's help and the cooperation of your spouse. It's worth the fight. It's worth the time at the altar, the prayers, the tears. Whether your elephant is sexual, financial, spiritual, or any combination thereof. Don't give up, don't give in. Eat it roasted, grilled, sauteed. Take a bite out of it today!!

Be blessed then be a blessing. Love always wins, give it a chance.
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