When Moses when to the mount to meet with God, when Moses returned they had melted gold to make a cow, a golden "sacred" cow. People will worship something and if they don't have God, the Risen King, the Creator, they will find whatever they can to fill that void. It doesn't have to be a long time, we the created have a short attention span. If God isn't doing what we think He should when we think He should how quick we are to find our new idol... food, drugs, sex, popularity, pride... we even take our God given talents and set them ahead of God Himself.
I am approaching the 1 year since my world blew up anniversary. Only now am I seeing my passive aggressive, rebellious reactions. Only now, that I have begun to get my feet again beneath me has God again began to put his finger on those places that we are going to have to work on. There is still a river of rage and anger below the surface that can hide itself, that has submitted to the spirit of self-control and only allows itself to be stired from time to time. I believe that God is ready to redirect that river... I believe that it's time to break the dam.
I identified the anger months ago, I confessed it to God. There are times of righteous anger, anger that keeps you from repeating mistakes, anger that motivates you to change. I believe that God has allowed my anger to do those things. He used it in a sense to hedge me in. I also think that it's time to come out from behind the barrier, and establish new boundaries. Am I ready to be all encompassed again, I don't think so. But I am ready to grab His hand and allow Him to show me the newness that He wants to share.
It used to be I never traveled without my Bible, because I was reading it all of the time. Today, I had to dust it off. It's almost as though He has allowed me this time to pitch my fits, to try and replace Him with everything I could think of. It's as though He has been watching my every move waiting for me to see Him standing there. Arms crossed tapping His foot... You want food, you can have as much as you want... but does it calm the storm? You want shopping, fine buy as many shoes as you can fit in your closet, how is that storm now? You want to complain and mock, slander, go for it... Your mouth will be your guide down this river of anger, where do you want to go?
Lord, the only place I want to go, is to where you are. No where else, no one else, nothing else, can calm the storm of your love in my life. Thank you for being a jealous God, the seeks nothing but my heart and my life. I am reminded of that sign today Lord. Growth is the sign of Life. Thank you for fertilizing my life... to give me the chance to grow closer to you. Praise you Father. I love you.
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