Oswald Chambers & other words of peace...

I laid in bed tonight for an hour hoping to doze off. It didn't happen so I snuck back out to to grab a few minutes with my thoughts. What I found was so much more...

After Obedience - What?

“ And straightway He constrained His disciples to get into the ship, and to go to the other side… ." ” Mark 6:45-52

We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process, God calls the end.

What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.

God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future. We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterwards. What men call training and preparation, God calls the end.

God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious.

It amazes me how God finds me. How he seeks my heart. One year ago today, I was on a plane to Managua, Nicaragua. I did not yet know of the storm that was raging in my family. Here I find myself one year later, a whole different woman.

I used to have a desire to be something, someone, to have my name in lights, or at least on the cover. I dreamed of suburbia, with 3.5 kids, and a Volvo station wagon. My like last year looked very much like that. Now, I look around, and none of that matters anymore. I have become a woman without preferences. I have become a woman, that wants to please the heart of God. I want to trust him with no goals, no destination, no future plans.

I have been pushing myself lately to limits, to extremes some would say. Physically and mentally I have learned I have endurance, and stamina that I didn't know I posessed. I look around at my life and realize that I am at the point in the work out that it burns like hell... but you keep walking. You keep walking until you realize that something besides the pain has occupied your mind and you have covered ground that you can't recall.

God has cut all the roots in my life. The things that bound me to things, to people, places, posessions. My husband, my children, those he gives me for a season. I love them with all my heart but God is my focus. I want God's heart. I want my mere act of life be worship to Him. I want to love those He sets in front of me for now, without taking ownership. I want to love them with His arms. Where ever I end up, that is my heart. Where ever this road rambles to, it is my heart to get closer to my Savior. I long for Him with an unending thirst.