It's amazing how busy one can become while...
Renovating a farm, maintaining a home, adding 2 extra kids to the mix, planning a yard sale, and prepping 2 boys for camp. Not to mention trying to exercise, and spend some similiance of time with my family that isn't work related. We have a family wedding this month, my daughter is in it which just creates it's own list of things that need to be done and bought. Hotel reservations to make, deciding if we wanted to add an extra night to spend a day at the beach. The chaos never really gets managable but somehow we have all made it through. This morning, I sit in an empty house, save the 2 dogs. Over the dehydrator (making jerky for camp), I can hear the birds singing outside and the tapping of my keys. Ah BLISS. Carole King is serenating me... ah, home.
The farm is coming along, we spend 4th of July out there. Goal is Labor Day move. My oldest son starts highschool this year and I really want to be settled in one place by the time he and I have to conquer biology and algebra. We are both very excited, although for Mom there is a twenge of sadness. High school? Really? Of course, it seems like I myself was just a student, but that was close to 20 years ago. He's growing up. There are days I just long for his little bowl hair cuts and the nonstop story telling. But there are days that I enjoy sitting with him and talking about music. He loves grilling me about old rock. Someone has to educate him on Led Zeppelin, Heart, and Lynryd Skynryd.
My newest music exploration has come in Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong and Frank Sinatra. They just make me happy. Makes me want to collect antiques and bake bread. Somehow it just makes your life seem movieesk. Dancing in the rain, or your pajamas really seems to be ok when they are singing in your living room. My little girl has gotten an ear for it too. The best part of Ella, she is always telling a story, with a sax in the background. Etta Jones is wiggling her way in my heart.
I guess I am just tired of living in the box. My huge revelation this week, I am comfortable in my own skin. Even if it is a little pudgier than I would prefer. I am happier than I have ever been. I love my life. It's busy, it's chaotic, but, it's mine. It's beautiful to watch my kids, to look at them and carry on conversations with them. My husband and I are enjoying a new level of intimacy, we have grown up a lot in the last year. Fifteen years of practice to get right here.
The funnest part of my life right now? Getting ready for the yard sale. There is so much stuff that I have kept just to appease others around me. Ha! Not now. I am going from an 1800 sq ft ranch with a full basement, to a 900 sq ft house. There must be love or it must be sold. Ande came home yesterday and was looking through my boxes of stuff I had pulled for the sale. We have come to the agreement that I get to decorate the farm house. He and I don't see country the same way. I have explained to him, that I know this is the house he grew up in. But I have to make it my own home. There are renovations, there are paint colors, there are things that I want to do. It will not look the same. My taste is different than his folks, I just want to update it. He understands and has resigned himself to getting to decorate the barn. So he would ask, This?. Yeap. I thought you liked that. Nope. Never did. I haven't truly decorated a home since 1998. Since then it's just been too much with the kids. I have tried in this house. I have painted and pulled carpet but it just never got finished. I don't want the farm to be like that. Not that I ever expect the decorating to be finished, I want it to be organic, I want it to have life of it's own.
God and I have spent a lot of time talking about the body of Christ. Where I fit in. What my role is. Right now, God has just released me to be a mother, and a wife... oh, and Aunt Jen. There is no pressure to be up to my eye balls in lexical greek, there is just a breeze through the back screen door to remind me that He is with me. There is a peaceful feeling. No striving, just breathing deeply. Loving every minute as it comes. Not getting wrapped up in the demands of the world. Just doing what I do, and loving Jesus for this season in my life. I don't have to commader every crisis that hits close to me. I can pray for them, maybe bake them something... and let them find their way to Jesus. What a great relief.
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