It's been a long road to this point. My kids are champs. The past few days have been rather stressful for all of us, but they are hanging on. Nothing like TV and internet to make them happy. They know that their Daddy is coming today and the know that the hard road is almost over. My mentor Momma met us last night for dinner and as she was talking to my oldest son I was just amazed at his level of faith. In God, in life, he knows that the end of the craziness is almost here. We have moved and packed and packed and moved so many times in the last 7 months and the biggest one is yet to come. The song that I have always sung to my kids is "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet", he feels that is God talking to us. The past is over it's been a hard transition but the best is yet to come. He often has to remind his tweaked out mother that good times are coming if we can just hold out a little longer.
Just because my flesh is freaked out doesn't mean that my soul isn't at rest. Everyone has been so concerned that I keep the faith. I just giggle on the inside because without my faith I would have given up this journey a long time ago. I would have bailed so many times and just ran until I reached the Pacific Ocean. God has kept his hand on us the entire time and has been so good to show us His ways and His provision. I haven't always gotten it right. Sometimes my emotions (aka my mouth) has gotten the best of me. There have been some harsh words spoken to and by some of the most important people in our lives. God is a God of reconciliation and love always wins, I look forward to seeing that take fruition.
I have found NC to be deflating. I left FL so full of energy, so confident of our future. Our time here has diminished that. I have spent some time with my awesome friends. Friends that I will miss terribly after our move, but for the most part I know that this chapter of my life is over and that the longer that I sit here the weaker that I feel. Think Superman and kryptonite. Maybe it's my own sense of rejection that has kept me feeling beat down, maybe just being in a place that I only want to see those that I love has left me exhausted from my position of defense.
I have missed my husband. Though I know that God set aside this time for me to find Him in a tangible way. My husband, though we have had a ton of issues, has always been my best friend. The one at the end of the day that I could share my heart and the stress of the day. It seems lately that all of our phone calls are business and to do lists. I miss the softness of marriage. I miss the intimacy of sharing our lives together. For the past few months I have felt like we were living in parallel universes. He has experienced so much, the kids and I have, too. I think separations and deployments do that to families. But tonight when I crawl into bed, I will be able to curl up in his arms and put a period at the end of this chapter of our lives. Not that there won't be more separations, the Army will guarantee them, but this one is almost over and we will be able to establish a household together again. His boots will again be in the doorway and his toothbrush will hang next to mine. We won't be living out of suitcases, laundry baskets and duffel bags.
So this morning I smile, there are more challenges to come for sure, but for today I am going to take my sons cue and just jam to...
I love you all. Be blessed and be a blessing. Love always wins, even when you are in the heat of battle, in the moment of silence that follows listen for His voice. Always reassuring, always loving, always reconciling.
You ain't seen nothing yet!!!!
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