Love

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

We have all been taught that God is love. God =love. Nothing more - nothing less. So if it is our desire to be more and more like Christ, the flesh version of God himself, then we should reflect that love more and more every where we go. I love this chapter. Known as the “Love Chapter”.

As I read through this I am reminded of so many instances of this in my life. When I decided I didn’t want to play patty cake Christianity anymore when my Grandfather passed away 4 years ago, this chapter was a required memorization for the class I was in. I have a picture on the wall in my bedroom that says portions of this verse and even as I sit here on my laptop I can look up and see it. It is a part of me. It is a chapter that I have spent a lot of time meditating on. It is a chapter that I have prayed over my marriage, my children and my home. Through the years God has revealed to me more and more what love actually feels like. I am at the point right now of feeling the most loved that I have ever felt. I am operating in more love than at any other moment in time that I have experienced.

There are still some things that I am struggling with. There are some grace growers in my life that continue to be part of God’s curriculum to teach me patience. There are still times that my defense mechanisms kick in and my first reaction isn’t kindness. It does not envy – which comes into play still in my life. It comes in whether or not I feel as qualified as someone else to be where I am. Because if I don’t think that I am worthy to be there, most times it will manifest into envy. That’s just me, but I think it could apply to anyone. It does not boast – God has blessed me more thank you nah nah nah nah. No one wants to be around someone like that. It is not proud, it encourages, it swells with love but it is not haughty. It is not rude, it takes the time to listen to the concerns of others around them and doesn’t just see their own circumstances. Yeah I could work on that one some more.

It is not self-seeking. It is God-seeking, it is coming to your husband and saying I love you enough to put you first. It is serving when you are tired and ministering when you are sick. It is trusting God to put you in a role of importance and not self-appointing yourself. It is not easily angered. Anger is one of my biggest issues. It is my absolute first line of defense. If I feel anxious I will get mad. Anger has been my body guard for a long time and I continue to allow God to heal me in that area and He continues to teach me that I should be anxious for nothing, he is my defender and my protector. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. We dance at the truth, no matter how much it hurts, we know the Healer and we can be healed if we know the truth. Lies are manipulation and unbelief in someone as to whether or not that they can handle the truth. Think Jack Nicholson, “You can’t handle the truth.”

Yeah I know I skipped one. I know, you aren’t going to let me get away with anything are you? My email box would be full if I left one out. Well the one that gets me is “love keeps no records of wrongs”. My favorite word used to be “again”. I would call my mentor and say, “Again, …” or “….again” and she would say there is that word. You are holding accounts. I can’t tell you how many times she told me to keep short accounts and to profess it before it could grow into something ugly and start to bear fruit. That’s what happens when we keep accounts it starts to grow into roots that take hold of us and change our personalities and our hearts.

This weekend as my husband was finding freedom, as he was breaking down strongholds over our family I was released to hand someone an invoice that I have kept tally on for the entirety of my life. It was a bill that I would bring to the table anytime this person had something to offer. I would remind them of how much they have cost me over the years. This weekend I took that raggedy piece of paper, and I handed it back to her stamped with Paid in Full. There is nothing that she or anyone else in my ledger could do to pay for the pain that I took on by their actions. I set her free and by doing that I set into motion freedom for myself. I repented for my judgments and for my ledger. I broke agreement with the beliefs that I have held onto for all of these years. I feel such freedom, and I pray that this person does as well. As a matter of fact for all of you that are reading this that have a page or chapter in my ledger, know that in blood it says Paid in Full. There is nothing left and I look forward to the next few days, weeks and months as I am able to tell people, you are Paid in Full for me.

I have had to learn to write Paid in Full on all of those accounts. Their totals are too high for the people to pay them. However, Jesus’ blood God’s sacrifice, the life of His Son is enough. See because Love…“always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Then His Blood is enough. And if I get hurt again, I know where to go. I know the Healer. Adding rows to the ledger, adding more costs isn’t going to make me feel better. It just makes my book bigger. I am free of the ledger. I am free from believing that Christ’s sacrifice wasn’t enough for my past, for my pain, for my family, for what I have been through. It is priceless and there is no ledger that it can’t cover.

Revelation, 1:5, “To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood.”

Father, I thank you. I humbly come before you and thank you for the work in me. Lord, I have professed that this day would come by faith for years now. Lord, it is only by your stripes, only my your sacrifice that I can have victory. Lord, your blood is so precious to me. Lord I accept the gift that you have freely given to me. Today I chose to be your daughter, to cover not only my sins in the blood but to apply it to the hurts - the consequence of others’ sins in my life. Lord, I apply your blood to the ledger. I toss it into the fire and say that I don’t need it anymore. You are the only treasure that I seek and there is no treasure to be had by holding those accounts. Father I submit to your teaching on this chapter in my life. Lord I pray that you would continue to teach me that you are my defender and my protector and that I don’t have to fight my own battles. Lord, I don’t have to guard myself in anxiety because in you there are none. You are Love, you are filling me with you, and Lord I just puddle in your presence. There isn’t enough of me right now to have shape other than to fill the container that you have made for me. Father, I lay it all down. I trust whole-heartedly what you are doing in my life and the life of my family. All of my chips are on you; I don’t need a plan B. I don’t need an escape route and I don’t need to hold someone else’s feet to my refiner’s fire. I give you all the praise and I say that you alone have the power. I am but a donkey to carry you to your people. Less of me Jesus - more of you. Praise you Father. With every ounce of breath that you have given me I praise you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.