Right Here

"Only by pride cometh contention," Proverbs 13:10

Sitting reading The Old Schoolhouse Magazine yesterday this is what jumped off the page at me. I don't like to think of myself as a prideful person but for all of the contention I am facing right now I am thinking I may need to do a reality check on myself. The contenders are big hitters, they have known me a long time and they can play me like a typewriter. Are my responses out of my pride?

"You are so low and off base that you cannot even see how obvious this thing is from my view. If you would just lift your eyes to my greatness, you might just get a clue what I'm talking about. Of course, I don't normally verbalize that (but the rolling of the eyes is a good mime for it.)" Deborah Wuehler, Senior Editor The Old Schoolhouse

How often do I relay that to others around me? It has to do with my heart and my alignment with Christ. This is one of those things that it doesn't matter how much I believe that they are out of line. If this is my response, or if this is the feeling of my heart than I have a problem. Yes, I know my heart is hurting, yes, I know that they are playing my buttons, yes, ... okay stopping there before "agains" start pouring out.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So if in my pride I approach my adversaries the same way I always have, and expect them to see the part that they play in my hurts, if I expect them this time to take accountability for my pain...I am the one going insane. It's not going to happen, unless Jesus fixes it there is no hope for true reconciliation. It's going to continue to hurt, it's going to continue to be a challenge until, what? Until, I can lay down my pride. Until I can be the bigger person and walk in the fullness of my healing. I'd love to throw them out of my boat. I'd love to say, this far and no farther. And I can on some issues. I can lay some healthy God approved boundaries. I can get hurt when the enemy shoots at me but I know to go to the Healer, and let him heal me.

Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;

hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

at the voice of the enemy,
at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me
and revile me in their anger.

My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.

Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
Selah

I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm."

Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech,
for I see violence and strife in the city.

Day and night they prowl about on its walls;
malice and abuse are within it.

Destructive forces are at work in the city;
threats and lies never leave its streets.

If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God.
Psalm 55:1-14


1 Peter 5:6-8, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

Humble yourselves. That means no pride. That means I have to take off that cloak of pride and self-righteousness, entitlements - "I deserved better". The whole 'I am the daughter of the King yes you may bow now' mentality. If I humble myself, and lay down my pride, in due time - when Jesus says "Okay, that is enough, let her up now," he will lift me out of the pit of tribulation - maybe, if it's His will.

Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

The good news is He is with me. He is strengthening me, He is helping me. I am not in this alone. I am not taking over the world alone, I am not war-ing alone. I am not battling this alone. He is with me. He knows my adversaries by name, He knows that he is trying to teach me through them. He knows.

I can trust Him in this area of my life. With a renewed strength this morning it is when I can come to Him and bear my hurts with Him. When I can remember that He is right here, that He is my Rock and my Redeemer, when I can remember that - then I can walk again.

Lord, I know that you are about to open up something major, I know that and I understand that. I know that right now there is a fight for me and my attention. I feel very strongly that there is a spirit of distraction that is trying to keep me from focusing on you and your promises for me. Lord, I rebuke that spirit and I pray Lord for your protection today. I cover my family, my home and all things that you have given me authority over in the blood of your sacrifice today. Lord, I can still smell the anointing oil on my forehead this morning and I am reminded of your presence and your calling on my life. Lord, please help me to be mindful of the distractions and the things that the enemy would use to bind me up and keep me from being effective for you. You are my only desire. You are my only need, yours is the only approval or love that I seek. It is in you that I find me. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.