My Best Friend

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

I have always believed that this is the key verse on marriage in the Bible. I have known a few marriages that have survived without these two ingredients but not many. But, I don't know that I really understood the fullness of this verse until recently. My life has changed drastically since the Men's Encounter my husband went on a few weeks ago. I can't really put it into words the difference it has made in our home. This gentle peace that flows out of him now that wasn't there before.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day with all that would imply. Wednesday night when I got home from church there were flowers and candy waiting for me on the table. I quickly put his bag of goodies together and left them on the bed while he was in the shower. The giddy cute love that brought us together in the beginning. It was all things fun and cute and reminiscent of years gone by. The fun side of love.

Last night after we got home from a family dinner out, (our kids are our Valentine's as well), my husband got his shower and came out to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream. We sat at the dining room table forever. Talking about what it feels like to me to be in ministry. The emotions that I experience, the hurt that I feel when I try to articulate something and no one seems to understand what I am talking about. How that even now I deal with my rejection issues, my feelings of being disposable. How as I move forward I still feel a need to prove my qualifications for the places that I sit. We talked about how I have carried that into my ministry and into our marriage.

He ministered to me in a whole new way. It's funny how I feel like I have had to earn every lesson, I have had to hit my head against every wall and somehow, all of that is already in my husband. He starts talking about my judgments of people, how people are really less concerned with my qualifications than I am. He talked to me about how he has had to hem me in. How sometimes he does have to sit on me because I tend to want to jump over the cliff. We talked about the balance that it takes and how we are in this together.

Okay, first off, let me tell you the only thing we have ever been together in is the business. We do well with our home but most of this ministry stuff was me all by myself. He didn't tell me no, and he didn't complain but he really took no role in my encouragement. I had mentors and friends that did that for me. But this morning, I would say, he has taken that role in my life that I have longed for him to take for years. He knows me better than anyone, he can see my blind spots, he can guide me, if I will just let him.

Did this come about because of a change in him, absolutely. Could this have happened without that? I am not sure - I can't really say. But what I know is that it is happening now. Some of the women have had real issues with their husbands coming back and dealing with the changes. Some women have really struggled to find their place among these men. Women have led the families for a long time. We teach our children the Word, we carry them to church by ourselves. We feel like we are the only ones really getting a hold of God. We feel like we have had to stand in the gap for our families because our husbands wouldn't do it. The hard part of that is when they take that place. When they come in and ask for their rightful roles in the family, we as women, can get our panties in a wad. I know mine were!!

As I prayerfully prepare for my own Encounter Weekend, I am reminded of all the times I have cried out to God for him to change my husband. You know, he did change him, but he has changed me as well. And will continue to change us until we are knit together in one accord with Christ. My children the other day were all with me piled up on my bed. My daughter says, "If Daddy came home that free, just imagine what Mommy is going to be like." My children all laughed and had a hay day with the thoughts of what it will be like when I get home. My oldest son, a few weeks from being a teenager says, "I don't know what it will look like, but like Momma says, Bring it".

Proverbs 31:28, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."

Lord, this morning, I come to you with all of the humility I can muster. Lord, I say to you that you are good, and your love endures. You have heard my cries, you have planted these desires in my heart all my life. Father, to have a husband to lead me as I go through this. Father, even a husband that would have a role in the ministry that you have planted within me. Father, I just thank you. I thank you that he is able to take the place that I have tried to fill with others. Lord, that even as I have looked at my mentors and my friends to keep me encouraged Lord, that it is his rightful place to sit. Lord, continue to let me hear the wisdom that you have placed in him. I really do thank you Lord for giving him to me. I see his as such a gift. I repent for trying to fill his shoes Lord. I set down my need to be the leader of this family and submit to his anointing and the calling that he has on his own life. Lord, it's not just all about me. I thank you for moving my whole family forward. I thank you for the hope that you have planted in my children, the have such anticipation of what you are doing for us Lord. Praise you Lord, I love you and I give you all the glory and the honor. In Jesus name. Amen.