Ready to Fly

Isaiah 40:30-31, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I was watching the movie "The Game Plan" this weekend with my family. In it the Dad played by The Rock tells his daughter that all athletes get pre-game jitters. I was thinking about where I have been for the last couple of weeks. I have ministered more of God's love in the last few weeks than I ever have. I have ministered God's love when on the inside I was dying and will continue to do so more and more as I continue to come into what God has for me. But I think that the lesson for the last few weeks has been to continue to hope in the Lord. Despite the pre-game jitters, this is just the beginning for me.

See, no matter what, Jesus is still on the throne. He is still interceding for me, He is still dancing over me. I am still seated with him the heavenly places, I still have my inheritance and I am still a child of God. But here is the kicker...he's doing it for you too at the same time. In my journey to healing I have had to come to terms with the fact that it's not just me, that there are other's out there as well that are dying - bearing their own crosses. They have their own burdens, their own knapsacks to carry and no matter how much I want to I can't hand them my Louis Vitton and expect them to carry it for me.

I have fought all my life to hand off this piece of luggage. I have tried to give it to my parents, my husband, my friends, my mentors, my pastors. They can't carry it for me. They really can't. I wish that they could but they can't. And as each of them told me no, I just stuffed more inside the luggage and continued to drag it around and let it wear me out and to keep me tethered so that I could only go so far, I could only fly so high. It anchored me to my old self, my old heart, my old life. No, I didn't live there anymore but I let it determine how far I could go. I let it be the circumference of my tree. It made me justify myself, it enabled me to always remember who I was, but very rarely whose I am. It's definition of whose and the one I wanted were two very different things.

Yesterday, I cut some of the strings that have held me there for so long. I may have hurt some others along the way and for that I am truly sorry, but I picture a skeleton in shackles if I don't get free from this place. I have to get free, really free from the hurts. I want to get past licking my own wounds, past my own self, so that I can freely minister the love of Christ. I know that it is a process. I know that it's not a one time thing and that even as I did it yesterday that there will be more layers to peel away on this onion. I understand that. But I know that right now God is calling me to more and I have to "set it down". Only I can prevent forest fires (love you ladies)!!

The Dove

Just let me go
Spread my wings
Let me fly
Let me be
Happiness over the cliff
Over the sea
Flying over mountains
Joyous to be free
Living a life full of quiet
Overflowing with peace
Taken over by love
Flying high in the sky
Through the clouds
All alone
I am a dove

~ JL 1989

Even in high school - I was really ready to go. I started my journey, I got lost a lot along the way, but I did get off at Exit 3:14 early enough that no matter how lost I got, that I was at least among the love of God. What a precious thing.

But today, I am walking lighter, today I choose to not pick up that worn out and battered piece of luggage. Yesterday I surrendered it at the alter. Today I chose to leave it there. Today I chose to let Jesus have it. Today I chose to put faith in his healing power, I chose to let him do whatever he wants to do with those hurts, but what I know is that His blood is enough.

Lord, today I come to say Lord I lay it all down for you, my Savior, my King. I honor your sacrifice for me, I can't even put into words the love...the admiration. Lord, you said that you work all things good to those who follow your word. Lord, I chose to be obedient. No matter what it looks like, no matter what others think. Lord, I don't want any glory, I want it all to go to you. Lord, I want to be used by you, for your purpose. Lord, I am tired of being a ministry, I am ready to be free flowing in ministry. I want to love other's with your arms, I want to minister out of you and your fullness and the only way to do that is to do it through my brokenness. Lord, I lay at the foot of the throne today, prostrate before you Lord and say, your love is enough. Your definition of me is enough. I chose to believe what you say about me. Your love is extravagant and more than enough to infill me. Thank you Lord. I praise you and give you all the glory, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.