Daughter of Grace

Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. Isaiah 61:7

As I have mentioned, God has really been working on my shame. I have begun to share with you the rooting that I had in that ugly place. The lies that I believed, the things I excluded myself from because I didn't deem myself worthy or righteous. As I have laid those things on the altar of my Father he is burned them and made beauty from the ashes.

I am beginning to see my double portion, I am beginning to see what God has laid before me almost like Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road, Follow the Yellow Brick road. What seemed like such a narrow passage was more brightly lit and easier to see when I took of my shades of shame, as I sat down the baggage that I lugged around full of the souvenirs of my hurts and my past. Oh how I have longed to sit down and look at myself as a beautiful Creation of the Creator of the Universe. Who left out no detail, he didn't forget to paint the sky for me at night, he didn't forget to have the crickets sing me to sleep in the summer, he didn't forget the stars to twinkle over my head like a tiara fit for a princess. The gifts are easier to acknowledge when I am not justifying why they are for everyone but myself. As I have removed my blessing filter, I have truly begun to see what God has worked for my good for the last 35 years for such a time as this.

That is the inheritance, that God went before me and paved the Yellow Brick road, His Ways, so that I could follow behind him and rejoice in the blessings that he earned for me. I didn't have to work for them and I surely could never earn them...no matter how much I tried. There is no lack of provision in his inheritance. I want for nothing, I am secure in Him, and my future is so bright, that I no longer need shades of rejection, abandonment and unworthiness to keep me set apart. His provision, His call, I can hear them beckon to me even as I sit here in awe of the grandeur of His love.

He knows the desires of my heart and now that the shame no longer lives there I can hear them. Prior to that my entitlements, my demands, my inability to accept blessings kept playing so loud that I thought I knew what my desires were, but I had kept them to a dull roar. They ached to be heard, but couldn't get my attention over the voices that played over and over in my head.

I remember when I first started my process of healing and after a ministry session, for the first time in my head there was silence. There was peace. I return to that place of glory at this point in my life. As I listen, the only voice I hear is that of my Father, calling out to me, come sweet love. The brat that has lived there for 35 years no longer calls out over his voice. The serpent has been killed and I praise God that I am still here...For so many years I couldn't differentiate between the serpent and myself...and for some time in there, there was no difference. All I knew was that the beast had to be killed, even if that meant killing myself in the process. I am free from those thoughts today. I now know that I don't have to die in order to have that quiet in my life. The tension is my shoulders has released for the first time in my life and despite the fact that my plate is full I am alright and my soul is at rest. I am safe in His arms of love and for tonight I will rest in this place.

Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever.
Amen.