Keeping on

"We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." 1 John 2:3

The thoughts come...what exactly did Christ have to walk. Did he walk in rejection? Was his life mocked? Did his friends ever let him down? Did he ever have higher expectations of those around him...Did he ever get his feelings hurt.

Jesus was a servant, not a martyr. His life had a purpose all it's own and it wasn't dependant on what others thought or did. I think he often encouraged but at times got disappointed by the lack of maturity in his disciples. He never spoon fed them but yet expected them to be able to digest the meat that he was handing them. He never made excuses and he never had to justify nor defend himself. As a matter of fact he served Judas. He taught him and served him no different than the others but Jesus knew that he would betray him. He never turned His back on Him he never looked at God and said, "I can't do this". He did it...every day of His life and he said "Not my will, but yours."

I wish. I hope that at some point that my knee jerk reaction is to obey, that it is do lay aside myself and to be obedient no matter what the cost. But at this point I am not programmed that way.

For the last few weeks the Lord has really been dealing with me on my heart. What is my attitude as I teach, as I respond to crisis, as I get bumped on some scars to see if there is any pain left. Here is what I know...I very rarely get it to look the way that I want it to. If I want it to look like I have it all figured out...I won't...and it will be obvious. Others will see me for who I am and even in that love me anyway. It's humbling to not have it all figured out and yet still have friends.

I want to be obedient. I want to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. Hear me know I am not saying that I want to be Jesus or that I am Jesus I am saying that I want to walk with Him so closely that I can hear him breath. That even if I take a step backwards that He will be right behind me so closely that I bump into Him. It isn't something that is pleasant because once you get Jesus in, he begins to show you things about yourself that you have hidden from everyone. The things that you don't want to share he will require because someone else needs your been there done that experience and testimony.

So just a reminder to those of you out there...I don't have it all together. And some days (like today) are sensitive days that are a little more abrasive than others. They are a little more tender as God shows me things and lets me see how I will respond. Here is my choice and here is my response...

Lord, today I chose to forgive even before the day begins. I chose to not get offended and I choose to not get my panties in a wad. Lord, today I trust you to do your will without my help. If you need my help a place will be made for me and you will open the door for me. It is not something that I will have to fight for but it will be something that opens without any of my own prodding. Lord, today I chose to be a friend, I chose to love those around me not out of my own abilities but out of the overflow of the love you have given to me. Lord, do not let me take it personal when someone doesn't respond the way that I had hoped. Let me not pick up their offense but Lord let me be what you have called me to be without any regrets.

Lord I love you and I thank you for all of the hard things. For all of the hard places that you continue to tinker with. Lord, I submit to the refiners fire no matter how hot or intense it gets. I chose to stay here until you release me. You are the Lion and the Lamb...I love you and I honor you. King of Kings...In the name of Jesus. Amen.