Naked without Shame

The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25

I would love to be naked with no shame. I am not talking hanging out in a locker room naked, or even walking around in my home. I am talking about the nakedness and vulnerability that comes when you don't walk in shame. I believe that Satan's greatest way to keep us from walking in our destiny is shame. Even if we can be convinced of God's love for us. For Jesus' personal sacrifice for ourselves. Even in that place of worship, even in that place of walking it out. Shame can still remain.

Shame is the biggest battle that I have encountered in all of my life.

Hear me on this, shame is prideful. Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it. Here is what I have learned...anything that thought is about more than God is pride. So if you think everyone else can have salvation, everyone else can have peace...but your thoughts go like this, "you don't know what I have done...you don't understand where I am right now..."What you are really saying is "You don't understand that I am SOOOO special that God is good enough for you, however, what I have done, what I have experienced, what I have endured can not be bought by the redemptive blood of Christ".

So a few weeks ago I realized another layer of my pride. How prideful I can be. How I had disqualified myself from the purpose that God had for my life (remember I am just that special...I have super powers stronger than God). There was a belief that I had held so dear that it had become such a part of me that the only way that I can even describe it is as a snake that had wrapped itself around my spine, was intertwined in my rib cage and it's head was laying on my heart. It was a core definition that I used to filter every decision, every conversation, every place I walked.

When I was finally able to describe it, when God finally gave me the strength to see it, it was the most grotesque thing I have ever envisioned. The power that I had given it was unfathomable. Every time that I had not stood up for myself, every time that I believed the lie, every time that I didn't say here and no farther...I fed it. It took more space in my chest, my heart, and my life. I allowed people to treat me a certain way, I allowed people to talk to me with such disrespect and contempt. I allowed people to abuse me in ways that weren't natural. The worst part was that I was my worst abuser...I have verbally and physically abused the vessel that God created for me. I allowed things other than the Word to define me. I kept accounts...and always came out in the negatives. I allowed others to define me by what they needed me to be.

Here is what God is teaching me through this, to be honest, to let my testimony carry His anointing and to allow it to touch others. There are so many people that have said that I share too much on here. I let too many people have too many details and here is my question, if I don't share it...if I keep it under the bushel basket and don't show the light than what was the purpose of going through it. If I hold even a bit of it back, out of shame...I feed it. The Lord has assured me that I don't have to exaggerate, nor do I minimize what the Lord had done or is doing in my life. If I exaggerate, he has told me that it makes my words weigh less, if I minimize it's not telling of his fullness. There are things that I don't want to talk about, hence why I have been so quiet on here for the last few months. I wanted it to be light and funny but that isn't His purpose...I believe that the purpose for this is for me to be anonymously honest. There is something about sitting in my own home, listening to the tapping of the keys that gives me a sense of security. This is practice for me...to get my thoughts together, to be honest and forthright no matter how bad it hurts.

Lord, thank you for the reminder that I am a princess, that I am a delicate tea cup and not a styrofom cup. Lord, as you begin to give women this new mindset, that we are worthy of love and respect...as you begin to teach us that we do have a voice, that our hearts do matter...that the desires that you have planted in us aren't for someone else. Lord, I pray that you fill us with more love, more grace and more mercy. Lord, I pray for exponential understanding and discernment when another woman is dealing with this. That I would not get offended, that I would forgive her quickly but more than that, I would have the words or the resources to give her to help her see this issue in her own life. Lord, I thank you for your revelation for this area of my own life. I thank you that you are continuing to teach me how to walk this out. Lord, thank you for my purpose, thank you for the vehicles that you have used to get me here. Lord, I thank you for the hard lessons, I thank you for teaching me this all through your Holy Spirit. You are my motivation and I pray that as I continue to lay things on the altar that you will continue to find the aroma of my burnt offering pleasant. Bless you Lord, I love you and praise you. In the name of Jesus. Amen