Oh, thank goodness. I woke up this morning feeling like a dead man walking. I have been really struggling the last two days with just putting one foot in front of the other. Last night I went to a new bible study at our church about Esther done by Beth Moore. It was all I could do to get there. It's not depression as much as it is just ready to push the "enough" button. I am quickly tiring of this period of transition. I know that I have submitted to the process, I am going to finish the fight, but some days you just look around and wonder if you are the only one standing there.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Grace is such an awesome thing. It's God provision for days you don't wanna. God says, "I know you don't wanna and that's okay, because I do." Then I get to write blogs about how "hohum" I feel and know that Christ is resting on me because I am boasting about my weakness. *giggle*
All kidding aside, what an awesome God that we serve. He says that there are going to be trials, there are going to be days that we are weak. That we can't put one foot in front of the other. There are going to be insults, hardships, persecutions & difficulties. I don't believe that the God we serve wants to us "Buck Up" and "Fake it until we make it". I think he wants us to be honest, with how we are feeling, with what we are going though, and turn to Him in those times and say, "Lord, I am here, broken and frail, and tired."
He wants us to share that with fellow followers. It's when He gets to shine, it's when He gets the glory because we aren't doing it of our own accord. He is growing us up. Growing deep roots. So that when the big storms come, that we are anchored in Him. It's only in that honesty with Him and others that we mature and learn to persevere.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4
Pure joy. I don't know that I have considered this transition pure joy. I am thinking that there will come a day that I will. When I can look back on it and see how big God was in it. Now I see it in glimpses but there will be a day when I look back and can see it in more fullness. Today I just hold onto to the hope that day is coming. There will be a day when I have my own kitchen again, when I have my own nest and that my family will be reunited. Until that day there will probably be times that I long for the journey to be over. That I long for the completeness of the transition.
I have always found strength in the arms of my husband, or in the voice of my Grandfather. As God has removed those from my life I have had to learn to draw my strength directly from the source. I have had to get comfortable on my knees crying out for His strength. I am just a woman, with three kids, and two dogs, wandering in the desert crying out to our Savior and saying, "Lord, all of my pillars are gone". He is teaching me more and more every day through my weakness that He meets me, He sings over me, He draws me to Himself. He receives me. He doesn't take me, He receives me. I just have to be willing to lay it all down and allow Him to love me. Allow Him to show me his grace, through my shame, through my loneliness, through my ineptness. He alone is where my strength and courage come from.
Be blessed and be a blessing, consider it pure joy to follow a Savior that leads you through the dailies and loves you with an extravagant love. A love that always wins.
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Jenni Lee, I am so encouraged by your blog and ironically I've been thinking a lot lately about "fake it till you make it" and the first time someone told me that I absolutely didn't like it. Like you said it just didn't seem like an honest and real way to handle things. I think it's just the word "fake" that really throws us off. However, I have a new revelation about that phrase that I thought you might like. I think what this phrase really means is that our heart is ready to make the choice to do something in God even when are feelings tell us differently. The "fake it" is really that choice being made based on God's truth despite how we are feeling... that's the hard part The "make it" part is when God blesses us with the feelings that match the choice... that's the reward. For example, I am trying to be more disciplined in my life, to manage my time better and I’m not a disciplined or organized person at all it’s just not in me and like you said I just don’t wanna! However, I know this is what God’s asking of me and I trust that He’s got His best for me, so I’m going to make the choice to follow a schedule and get up early even though I don’t feel like it. I know this is how God operates, so I expect to see the victory that these choices lead to in my life and the plan that God has for me because of my obedience as my “faking it” turns into “making it.” I hope that makes as much sense being read as it does in my mind!
ReplyDeleteI also think you are right the joy is found in the looking back... sometimes only then can we see why God allowed certain events in our lives. We are stretched through our hard times, yet we persevere in Christ and we're changed in ways that never could have taken place without that trial we faced.
The longest I've ever been separated from my husband is a month and that was a long time for me, so I can't even imagine what you're going though, but I'll pray for you!! I’m excited to be your new bloggy friend!