Just JenniLee: Trusting God instead of Pleasing God

I have been in a struggle for the last few days. I am reading TrueFaced by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol & John Lynch. I am also doing a bible study called One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer. TrueFaced teaches that you can't control sin, until you have entered the room of grace. That until we truly understand God's definition of us we are only trying to control our sin, that we are trying to go into the room of good intentions. This really lines up with my spirit and my own theology. One in a Million I find to be trying to teach me to do the right thing in a feeble attempt of pleasing God. I know that I am in the bible study for a reason but while doing my homework my heart is yelling, "I don't need more pressure to do the right thing, it's only through God's grace and his definition of me that enables a face to face relationship with Him."

We are a fallen people, we have sin in our lives, no matter how pretty we try to make it, how many discipleship classes we take, we can not control our sin. When the mask begins to break and people begin to see the real us they shove us out the door because we are no longer willing to put on the fake Sunday morning smile and fake it until we make it. God so wants us to be real. Fragile, broken vessels that love Him and seek a relationship with our Savior, not do the best we can in an attempt to earn a gold star on the chart, that if we earn enough we will enter the gates of heaven. He knows that we are broken, frail and hurting. We are in his righteousness, He gave it to us and there is nothing that we could do to earn it, or to keep it, because it is already paid in full and when we get that, then we take our brokenness to Him, and He wraps His arm around us and says, "Yes, Beautiful One, I know, I know, but let's face this together as joint heirs, as friends. Don't let it keep us separated but allow it to pull us closer together."

I don't know about you, but I beat myself up over my sin. Daily, sometimes moment by moment. My anxiety is sin, my mouth, Lord knows my mouth sins, I lean onto my own understanding way too often. Then, I beat myself up over it. If God were bigger in my life, if I take one more class, if I listen to one more lecture, maybe, just maybe the light will go on and I will be able to do the right thing and be qualified enough. Jesus was the only human to be with out sin. He had scars, but He had no sin. Our sins, were the causes of His scars. He paid the price for them already. So trying to keep them at bay, trying to live in holiness without grace, we just find guilt and condemnation. Satan says we can do it on our own, we don't need face to face, if we just get it right finally, then we will be better.

"In essence, God says,"What if I tell them who they are? What if I take away any element of fear in condemnation, judgment, or rejection? What if I tell them that I love them, will always love them? That I love them right now, not matter what they've done, as much as I love my only Son? That there's nothing they can do to make my love go away?
"What if I tell them there are no lists? What if I tell them I don't keep a log of past offenses, of how little they pray, how often they have let me down made promises they don't keep? What if I tell them they are righteous , with my righteousness, right now? What if I tell them they can stop beating themselves up? That they can stop being so formal, stiff, and jumpy around me? What if I tell them I'm crazy about them? What I tell them, even if they run to the ends of the earth and do the most horrible, unthinkable things, that when they come back, I'd receive them with tears and a party?
"What if I tell them that if I am their Savior, they're going to heaven no matter what- it's a done deal? What if I tell them they have a new nature- saints, not saved sinners who should now 'buck-up and be better if they were and kind of Christian, after all he's done for you!' What if I tell them that I actually live in them now? That I've put my love, power, and nature inside of them, at their disposal? What if I tell them that they don't have to put on a mask? That it is ok to be who they are at this moment, with all their junk. That they don't need to pretend about how close we are, how much they pray or don't, how much Bible they read or don't. What if they knew they don't have to look over their shoulder for fear if things get too good, the other shoe's gonna drop?
What if they knew I will never, ever us the word punish in relation to them. What if they knew that when they mess up, I will never "get back at them?" What if they were convinced that bad circumstances aren't my way of evening the score for taking advantage of me? What if they knew the basis of our friendship isn't how little they sin, but how much they let me love them? What if I tell them they can hurt my heart, but I will never hurt theirs? What if I tell them I like Eric Clapton's music too? What if I tell them I never really liked the Christmas handbell deal with the white gloves? What if I tell them there is no secret agenda, no trapdoor? What if I tell them it isn't about their self-effort, but allowing me to live my life through them?" (TrueFaced pps 51-52)