JenniLee Personified

So what do you think of my new graphic?  I love her! Love her!  As I was searching the internet yesterday for a perfect personification of myself I stumbled upon deviantart.com.  Searching for women images can be rather uhm, scary.  There is a lot of pornographic images of women out there, photos, illustrations, characatures.  I live in my own little world and everyone here loves me, I know that stuff is out there but I am not exposed to it.

I really liked this piece for quite a few reasons, I like her hair.  It is similar to mine, I love her abs which are so not similar to mine.  I love the coffee cup.  I love the empty chair an the reserved sign that sits on the table.  It personified what I am feeling most of the time.  A favorite slang around here is, "He's here, he's just not here". Something we picked  up on our family mission trip to Nicaragua.  That's how I typically feel about my husband. He's here, in our hearts, our minds, our prayers, but physically he's not here and that leaves an empty chair and a reserved sign telling others that he will be back.  That chair is reserved for someone special and not just anyone will do. I also love that she has a smile on her face.  Because even through the wait, it appears she has found something amusing to keep her eyes on.

I related to her on such a personal level.  It reminds me of Barnes and Noble, and date night.  It reminds me of nights that I sleep alone, or times that I take the kids out without him.  It reminds me of sitting alone in church.  All things that I really abhor.  However, that smile, that cutting of her eyes, she doesn't have her eyes focused on the chair.

I have spent years fretting about my marriage.  When you have had a past like we have that fretting is just in innate habit that can't be controlled.  I never realized how much time I spent looking at the chair instead of letting other things catch my attention.  My kids are my comedians. They are so witty, and quick, and they do bring a lot of smiles to my face.  Daily.  However, the true thing that has caught my attention is so much bigger.

For the past few months, there has been very little distractions between God and I.  It's not that I have always felt him, but, there is a deep enough sense of faith in me to know that he is here.  He isn't limited to occupying a chair, he is omnipresent and able to be with me in every situation.  The closets that He has opened, the softening of my heart towards myself and then for others.  It has been powerful.  There is joy in freedom.  There is joy in looking at your greatest fears and your most deeply buried feelings of hurt, and allowing God to show you them through His eyes.  He is such a God of compassion.  We run down the path of destruction and He pursues us, He never "takes" us, but when we turn around and realize that we are in some dark alley, He is there, always, to "receive us".

Listen! My lover!
Look! Here he comes,
leaping across the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look! There he stands behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
peering through the lattice.
My lover spoke and said to me,
"Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me." Song of Solomon 2:8-13

Though we might walk through the valley of death, He seeks us out, and He asks us to come with Him. Never against our own will.  The Lover of our souls, He calls us beautiful, He loves us in only a way that He can.  He meets us face to face.  What an awesome, extravagant, exhilarating love that He has for his bride.  So though I sit alone at the table, in my heart, I sit with peace because I know that I know, that I am loved, accepted and desired.  The man that I wait for, doesn't have to "make" me feel those things.  He has been released from the pressure of making me "feel" good enough.  Because with him or without him, I am secure in myself, and in the love of my Creator.  My husband, he just adds a spice of life and is the icing on the cake of life.

***I also want to give credit to the artist that did this piece.  He was very kind to a woman that wrote a rather random email asking to use his artwork.  You can find Joe and his pieces at http://poorboy-comics.deviantart.com/. Thank you Joe, for your prayers and for allowing me to showcase your piece.  Blessings on you, my friend.***


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