What do you do?

What do you do when you don't feel encouraged and everything around you seems to be empty?  Have you ever opened your Bible and it's just words?  Have you have had that one last person pat you on the back and tell you it's going to be okay?

Most of the time I am up, chipper and ready to take on the world.  Today is one of those days when I am sulking and just pouty.  Sometimes circumstances become bigger, sometimes we just focus on them too closely.  Sometimes the pain that we have kept hidden comes to the surface.  I once had someone tell me that it's like holding a beach ball under water.  It takes effort to keep it down, when all it wants to do it rise to the surface.  It reminds me of child birth, the moments preceding the birth the mother typically tells everyone she just wants to go home.  That's how I feel.  I just want to go home.  How about the Israelites coming out of the Exodus.  It was fun at first but when the going got tough they bad mouthed Moses and expressed a desire to go back to Egypt.

Sometimes when the challenge to begin a new life gets to be too much, when we take our eyes off of Jesus and his "funnel" to get us to the promised land, we want to throw up our hands and push the easy button and go back to what we used to know.  Overwhelmed and anxious we want to return to the comforts of what we know even if, even if, it was a bad place that held us in bondage.

Heart break presents itself in different ways.  When we got the news that Ande was going back into the Army I sent out an email to a handful of people that at one time played a huge role in my life.  Their lack of response, I am working through.  It reminds me that I can't go back through doors that God has shut.  The the life that I left behind is over.  Much like a baby can't crawl back into it's mother's womb, I can't return to the places that one brought comfort, it seems the more I try the more pain it causes me.

So the process begins, again.  So the plan of the day is to spend some time in front of the dryer (it's an alter God and I created years ago) and to allow him to cleanse the wound so that He can begin to heal it.  I am thankful to a God that has a desire to heal all of the hurt and to not leave me in the corner chewing the skin off of my own ankles... although sometimes that's all I want to do.


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