Patience, we are His Patients.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”- Jeremiah 17:7-8

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. ~Helen Keller

Patience, to my understanding is the greatest test of faith.  I have heard many times not to ask God for patience because it isn't something that He gives you, it's something He teaches you.  We are still waiting for the next leg of our journey.  Still unsure where our final destination of this journey will put us.  The pure endurance of this process has begun to leave me feeling out of sorts.  I don't know why the last few days before change become the hardest.  Our patience is testing on a new level and it's easy to succumb to the anxiety.  I have listened to friends stories as the countdown to the homecoming of their loved ones coming back from "over there" and all of the stories seem to hit a crescendo in the final days.  I feel like I am beginning that season.  Just this morning I was begging God for something new, something to hold on to, to encourage myself with.  I am tired, at the end of myself, and I am beginning to lose my ability to make this okay for other people.  Making it okay for myself and my kids is tough enough.

So this morning I go into church and guess what the message is about.  Be patient. I so wish that I carried a Nerf gun with me to church this morning because I would have loved to shoot my Pastor.  That's nothing new.  Patience.  Wait. It's almost over.  Reminds me of one of my husbands compassionate coworkers when I was pregnant with my oldest son.  He told me I looked like I was going to explode.  I was going to explode alright, all over him.  I am thankful that no one has tried to encourage me during this season, or to tell me that it's all going to be okay, it's almost over because I am thinking that my reaction would remind me of the tension I felt that day.  Yes, I am about to explode but Captain Obvious I don't need you to remind me of that.

Patience is my biggest challenge of my faith.  Do I trust, yes.  Do I have faith, yes.  I know it's all going to be okay.  However, my preference would be that I would know NOW.  It feels like I am again (or still) in this holding pattern.  I am a mother of 3 kids, there are things that need to be arranged for where we are going.  There are doctors to pick, activities to enroll in. Sometimes I just wish that I knew where we were going so that I could plow through my list of things I need to do.  God however, has kept me on the table, He is still working on me.

I am His patient.  He is digging deep roots, He is trying to get me to relax and enjoy this time next to the river so that He can feed me from Himself.  I just want to jump off the table and run with my gown gapping in the back and He has His hand on my knee telling me to let Him finish the procedure.



Lord, keep me here as long as you need to.  I am here, enduring, trusting and receiving your love.  My receiver is wide open.  You are God and I am not, and I am more than okay with that.
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