My Past is OVER!!

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I grew up watching Robert Schuller. As most kids loved cartoons I loved to watch preachers. I know that sounds like an odd thing for a young girl of 3 or 4 but I truly was mesmerized by the Crystal Cathedral and the pretty singing. When I was little, my family didn't attend church. My grandparents didn't attend church. The only church I knew was there on TV and it captivated my attention.

At about 7 I have a memory of my first time in church. My mother handed me a Bible and sent me into a Sunday school class at a Baptist church. My memory is that they asked us to look up a verse in our Bible and I didn't know how to find it in this new red book my mother had given me to take. I remember there being a man there and he helped me find the verse and I was awed by the red letters and that Jesus this man I had heard about on TV was in this book. I was raised in a Christian home. My mother and my grandmother talked about God. Taught me to pray, I knew that Jesus was real I just didn't know where to find him.

At about 9 we started going to church on a regular basis. I was involved in the childrens ministry. We did VBS, I was baptized, I even went with the rest of my friends to camp that summer. That was the year of the Muppets in my memory and I feel in love with Kermit and all things of rainbows. My Dad didn't go to church with us, he would stay home and make dinner but my mother would take me and I thought it was awesome.

Wasn't long after that my parents divorced. We moved to another part of town, my mother got involved in the Charismatic movement and we learned that dancing and singing were okay in the church. I remember going to a presentation at the church about playing albums backwards and how Satan would talk through them. A lot for a young preteen mind to comprehend. I remember our Children's Pastor's wife, her name was Shirley, and I remember her sitting with me in the breezeway and talking to me about my parents divorce and somehow sitting with her I knew that everything would be okay.

At about 14 I walked away from my faith. The little bit that I had. As I walked through my teenage years I struggled. I made some really wrong choices. As I got into my 20's I again sought out the face of the Lord. He was good to meet with me and to fill me anew. I knew then that I had a heart for ministry, that I loved sitting close to the platform and that I was made to be a worshiper. Then I got married, to the man I had prayed for in all of those revival times. We attended services very irregularly. Usually only when my in laws came around. My husband and I made some really bad choices. About 7 years into our marriage with a divorce looming over our heads my husband took our kids and went back to church.

We were able to get past ourselves, our issues, rebuild our marriage. We moved to where we are now, we got invested in a good home church and now here I sit writing about the goodness of God. As you can tell I have left out a lot of the gory details, there was a lot going on in those times that I wasn't walking with God. I am sure that at some point that will all be shared but for right now, I leave it as it is.

About 18 months ago an evangelist from Louisiana came to our church. He was teaching one of my Bible classes. He spoke a lot of words of prophesy over me. There are some that haven't come to fruition but there is something that has stuck with me. "Don't ever be ashamed of how God got you there". When I think of all the places I have drug God in my lifetime it makes me sick to my stomach. What I know to be true now is that every situation, every circumstance, God was growing me up. He was disciplining me, stretching me and loving me through those hard ugly times. In that I can find my strength, my ability to forgive others, and a heart to share God's message with those around me.

So when you look over your past, when you look at yourself at 4, 7, 14, 21, maybe you weren't walking with God, maybe you were. All of it has been a learning curve for God to line you up with your destiny. With his Plan A for your life. He doesn't have a Plan B. He only has a Plan A. Even as we get wayward, even if we get lost along the way He is faithful to whisper the directions in our ears of where to go and how to get there.

Jesus loved me, you, enough to bear the Cross. He looks at our sins and casts them to never be found again. In that we are healthy, happy and whole. If we would just get past our shame, our guilt and our own thoughts of unworthiness. So I leave you with this thought..."Don't be ashamed of how God got you there!"

Lord, I come to you today as a mother, a wife, a conduit for your voice. Lord, I apologize and repent for trying to justify my past. I repent of being ashamed of how you got me here. Lord, I thank you for every skinned knee, every bruise on my forehead as you have been growing me up to be in your Kingdom. Lord, I agree that my past is over and all things are new in you. Lord, I thank you for continuing to love me enough to continue to send situations my way to prune me, mold me and make me more into your image. Thank you Lord that you don't tailor the robe of righteousness to fit me, but that you tailor me to fit into the robe of righteousness. In you, and your Son, I am content right where I am, no matter what that looks like. I give you all the glory and the honor and the praise. In your Son's Righteous Name I pray. Amen.

Listen to a great song by Ricardo Sanchez that is a great declaration of my past is over. You will have to click on the song to hear it play. Moving Forward by Ricardo Sanchez