3.04.2009

Life just isn't fair...

Yeah... to which we parents reply, "Whoever told you life was fair, lied."

Ande and I have been doing no-carbs and working out at the gym 4-6 times a week.  Me ususally more than him at the gym.  So how is it that he is down 20 pounds and I am down... get this TWO.  Yeah, short of killing him there isn't really anything that I can do about it.  Now granted, I feel stronger, my heart feels stronger.  I was able to climb Max Patch without 1. dying and 2. hyperventilating.  However, I stand on the scale and I swear to you it laughs at me... OUTLOUD!

I just don't understand.  So today, while we were in Asheville picking up Alex's birthday gift (yeah we won't even talk about the fairness of that)... we were driving down Tunnel Road and I hear it... Jennifer...psst...Jennifer....over here.  At first I thought it was IHOP calling me but it wasn't.  We kept driving and Ande says so what do you want for dinner... IHOP I say.  Well Ande makes the best pancakes and they are much cheaper than IHOP (yes we had that conversation), so we keep driving and I am thinking... mexican... no our favorite mexican restaurant is within walking distance of our house.  Then I hear it... the italian accent... so sweet I swear it sounded like tiramisu tastes.  Think Carmela from Sopranos... Jennifah - Jennifah .... (Yeah I dreamt once I was Carmela and had a Porche Cayenne).  Olive Garden... bada bing bada boom!

So we are walking to the entrance and there was a debate between Olive Garden and Carrabba's.  Steak Marsala with cavatappi ameritriciana... oh yeah. However, we figured in our logic that Olive Garden was less expensive.  Meanwhile Alex is acting like we have just landed in Tuscany.  The boy says, "I don't remember ever eating here before."  That is the first time I have ever felt like a complete failure as a mother.  

Let the eating begin... we order stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer to go with our unsweet teas.  Yeah - same idea as going to McD's and ordering a Big Mac, a large fry, an apple pie and a Diet Coke.  I gorged myself out of my deprivation for pasta.  The salad was fabulous and oh my we aren't even going to discuss how many breadsticks I ate.  I was officially a member of the clean plate club.  Not one drop of sauce, one smidget of breading was left on my plate.  I didn't order dessert... I was proud of my will power.

So we are heading home and it hits me.  Carb guilt.  Shouldn't have eaten so much.  Should have only had a half of dozen breadsticks...  yeah it was bad.  In an effort to console myself I texted my friend and rubbed it in that I had Olive Garden for dinner.  Even her jealousy wasn't enough to curb the guilt.  So we got home and packed our gym bags and went to the gym.  I usually ride the bike for 30 minutes and do the elliptical machine for 30 minutes.  I threw an extra 1o minutes on the elliptical just to ease my troubled mind.  Then I stood on the scale and guess what... it says the same thing today that it did yesterday.  And suddenly all seemed right in the world.  Justice has prevailed and I had eaten carbs and hadn't even tipped the scale.  But tomorrow night, I am eating a no carb wrap and I am not going to complain one iota... because... well just because.  I want to lose these 35 pounds and I know that if I complain that they are just going to linger.  

Psalm 34:8  Taste and see that the LORD is good; 
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Lord, thank you for a great day.  Thank you for happiness and laughter around a table with my husband and my children.  I am blessed today, not only by the pasta, but by your abundant love for me.  I dig being your favorite.  

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