Where the men are men and the steers know it...

I have thought a lot about this these last few days.  Here is where I am today.  Because we all know that I am always open to revelation...

I do believe that by not being honest that we don't let men bear the full weight of fatherhood.  I have several friends that never told thier father of abuse and never gave him the opportunity to be thier protector.  "Don't tell Daddy". I think as women we are more interested in keeping peace, and we will control and manipulate our enviroments until it appears that we have peace.  We so fear rejection and abandonment.. we operate solely from a place of fear but we turn it to say that we are protecting someone else.

I tell my children when they are dishonest with my they tie my hands at being able to protect them and come to their defense.  When it comes to my children I always want the truth.  I  think of Jack Nicholson "You can't handle the truth" every time someone is trying to protect me by only giving me half truths.  John 8:32 tells us that the truth will set us free.  Free from responsibilites that we weren't supposed to have in the first place.  Lies take work, even if it isn't a lie, even if it is just hiding of the truth I believe that it makes a big difference.

Let me give you an example, my daughter at 9 has a crush on a little boy.  She pours her heart to me and says but don't tell Daddy.  What if I don't tell my husband, her father?  Some would say I would break her confidence and she wouldn't trust me again and I would agree.  What if when she said that I replied, Honey, we don't keep secrets from Daddy, we want him to know what is going on in your heart so that he can pray accordingly, and he can keep his eye on the situation.  Then I have helped build her confidence in her father.  I have made him approachable.  I have set them both up for success.  There is no manipulation, no stories to keep straight and he gets to build a relationship with his daughter.

It also opens his eyes to her world.  He is able to take that time to talk to her about his heart for her, what he thinks of her and to fill her with his own words.  Julia and I talk a lot about purity, sex and all things female.  That is my job as her mother to have an ongoing conversation so that she has enough of my words in her head and heart that if she ever finds herself in a compromising position she has already decided what her answer is.  We practice saying no.  My words of teaching are important to her, but just as important is Daddy telling her his own words his feelings and the boundaries he has laid for her as her father.  He is able to articulate to her that he would stop at nothing to defend her, to love her and to help her run a clean race to God. 

When we hide things from our kids, we miss on the life lessons that we could and should be teaching them.  Our family hit crisis a few months ago.  We have been able at this point to talk to all of our children about it on their own levels.  As they grow they will have more questions and we will be able to expand our answers, but what if we just put on a face and pretend that nothing is wrong?  I am not saying defile your children with details, and I am not saying put a spirit of fear on them but I am saying, teach them as you are being taught.  Teach them that Daddys and Mommys make mistakes and don't live on a pedestal.  It's a lesson in authority that they are going to have to learn sometime in life.  

I am going to tie this ramble up by saying, if you want him to be a father, you have to treat him like one.  If you want him to be a man, you have to treat him like one.  If you want him to be a hero, a knight on a white horse, then you need to treat him like one.