Dying to Self... & others.

This week has left me in shock... at what point does the Army start turning away people.  Never before in history, until this week.  So did we chase this rabbit for no reason or did we learn some really great lessons along the way.  As optimistic as I have tried to remain there are some people that just want to point out the obvious.  "Road to Nowhere"... we are all on a road to redemption and sometimes, we have to explore and heed the calling even when we don't arrive where we thought we were heading.  Persecution... trying to lay shame, or blame.  Not cool.  Sorry.  I have been fighting off shame for more than a year... I know what it tastes like, feels like... I will no longer accept it - no matter what the source.  

We have been set out like trash.  All of those that used to speak into our lives have left us to our own devices.  We have tuned our ears to God, only because there are no words coming from anywhere else.  Those who said they would never walk... did.  I have had to walk away from the sources that I have always run to.  The well is dry and God has put a "stay" on the relationships.  I can't blame anyone because I see God's hand so clearly.  I don't see where we are going, or our future but I see the lessons... I feel the freedom.  I feel my breaths getting deeper and my heart beating stronger.  I have been weaned from my mother, I have been weaned from baby food, from small dice and there is a time where the Lord takes you for Himself.  

There are so many others that are searching for direction.  That Father God has held the cards in their destiny.  They are, like us, waiting to see the great reveal.  I don't know what is coming down the pike, what I do know, is that God is written all over it.  He has planned for this and these wild goose chases are of no surprise.  He has accounted me into my destiny.  I used to think that I could disqualify myself... and I no longer subscribe to that way of thought.  I think God prefers the disqualified.  I think He seeks out those that seek Him and listens to all of our cries, as we pour back to Him what he has lit within us.  I believe that broken and disqualified, bankrupt, at the end of ourselves and our own resources and crutches is where God find us.  It is on that journey to no where that we lay aside the burdens, that we lay aside the things that weren't ours to carry in the first place.  Without the journey to no where we would show up where he wanted us, with all of our own things... and wouldn't know, and wouldn't reflect that they only way we made it, us, was through Him.  We trade our way for humility.  We cry out of the tenderness that this road has beaten into us.  He shows us the hearts and intentions of others, and not just ourselves.  We learn the terrain... much like Moses learned the desert before he led others out during the exile.

So I look at my future and say, I will follow you to a land that you will show me.  I will walk beside whom you send during the seasons.  I let go of my ties to those who only want to hold me where they knew me.  I release them back to themselves and call forth the parts of me that I have left there.  I leave my Lot and chose the covenant that Lord has made with me.  I choose to believe the promises, no matter how dusty they are.  

Ok, here is the revelation God just gave me.  Abraham and Sarah... Sarah brought forth Haggar..., my husband brought forth the Army.  Right form of transportation to deliver the promise but wrong vehicle.  God's promise, His vision for Abraham didn't change.  Sarah had some doubt... she tried to create a way, when she didn't believe the way that God had revealed.  

God, you are so good.  Your awesomeness is amazing.  I don't know anymore today than I did yesterday, but I know that you are here.  Lord, I accept the persecution of those who don't understand, and those who can't see.  Lord, I never estimated the cost.  I lived my life fully to my own pleasure.  Father, my family belongs to you.  I know that, I trust that.  I trust the passion and the vision in their hearts.  I trust your voice in them.  Father, I shut out those that try to add shame, Father I pick up your cloak of humility and say, Father, forgive me.  For I have fallen short, but I fully embrace what you have for me.  I have no comprehension... only immense love and gratitude that you know my name, my heart, and my family.  Thank you Lord for your healing and your cleansing waters in our home.  I trust you Lord.