It's been a long week...

But it's been bittersweet.  God knows the desires of my heart and the things I need to give up when even I can't see it for myself.  There was so much that I was still holding on to.  Closure that I was looking for... a hail mary pass to save me.  But it didn't happen and I just laid it all down.  It's not that I have lost... I have gotten what I have wanted, I just had to let everything else go first.  I had allowed others to put shame on me... I had tried to get it all right to create a place.  A place that didn't exsist except in my own head.  

I take a few friends with  me, the ones that are invested.  I have decided I am not a spectator sport... so if you are just wanting to watch through the window and not interact you might find your self trying to look through the blinds.  So many eyes watching - they read enough to get offended but don't care enough to do anything about it.  I see a barn door shutting and latching.  Move along, there is nothing to see here.  Unless you love, unless you are willing to invest... Your lack of action speaks volumes.

Today is a day of love... and God has filled myheart.  He has filled the sky with sunshine and my house with flowers.  He has provided a few days repreave from the demands of the transition.  He has let me take of my mourning clothes and is allowing me to dance a reel with my kids and my wonderful husband.  He has shown Himself true to His word and has allowed my heart to beat... and my lungs to breathe, and my feet to dance.  

O God, Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee. ~ Saint Augustine

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Lord, I love you.  I don't always get it right, but only you know my heart... only you know my thoughts and my desires.  Thank you for always bringing them to to fruition even as you do a work in me.  Lord, I trust you with my future, with my children, my marriage.  They all belong to you and I praise you in advance of the breakthrough... and say... Holy Holy Holy is He!