The winter we didn't have heat...

Somehow I am convinced that is how my children will look back at this winter.  It's one thing to walk through all of this and only see it through my own eyes but their eyes are also constantly watching to see what is going to come next.  The too have been erradicated from our church.  They don't know why we aren't there but they know that they haven't walked in the building for 6 months.  How does one unwind her children from a fence she was teaching them to climb?

They have listened to us talking to lawyers, dissolving this, moving that... If my heart is weary I have to expect theirs is as well to some extent.  They have watching us shut down our company, they have listened to Ande and I argue, they have watched me cry and have heard more in the last six months than in the rest of their lives, "We really can't do that".  

We have burned everything that we could to stay warm.  From old business checks to scraps of lumber than Ande brought home from a job.  We haven't gone hungry, we haven't lost our lights... and for now that is an accomplishment.  We have done everything we know to keep our kids comfortable and moving along at a normal pace... Alex my oldest said we have been hibernating... he's such a brilliant child.  Yes, hibernating is what we have been doing.

Spring is right around the corner and we are beginning to get joy in our bellies for what is coming next.  We know it won't look like it does now... we are open for options... we know it's coming... we just have no idea what it's going to look like.  Everything that we have built here is gone and we know it's time to move on.  We have looked around and have realized who are our friends... and who just wanted to exploit our talents and our abilities.   I am working on my bitterness because even I can read it in my writing.  

I am ready to shake the dust off my feet.  I am ready to fly and to be free from the bondage of shame by association... of the questions people ask... of the pain in being an outsider.