It's almost March... 23 days til Spring!!

I am an avid reader.  I read A LOT and usually stuff that is somehow going to turn on the light and make me finally believe in myself.  Currently I am reading 3 books... that doesn't include my Bible or the many blogs I read, or facebook because Lord knows I spend way to much time on facebook.  Currrently I am reading Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge, When Your World Falls Apart by David Jeremiah and Reading the Women of the Bible by Tikva Frymer-Kensky.  I wouldn't say that any of it is fluff... but the Jewish writing is more challenging.  I find it fascinating.

I have just had some really tough questions for God lately.  The treatment of women in the Bible and modern society. How we were the last creation God made and yet treated like livestock (pack mules)? How come we as women are striving so hard to be like men?  What do men value most, what do women value most?  What exactly is a help meet and is that even a good translation of the Hebrew text?  What did God design marriage to be?  What is my real role as a wife... and mother?  At what point did polygamy become acceptable and what if any effects did it have on the women?  Yeah, so some worry about what's for dinner these are the thoughts that plague me and keep me awake at night.

"It is not under the sharpest, but the longest trials, that we are most in danger of fainting." -Andrew Fuller

I can either throw my hands up in defeat... (yeah I spent some real time contemplating that yesterday) or I can read and encourage myself.  David encouraged himself in the Lord.  "David was greatly distressed, for the men spoke of stoning him because the souls of them all were bitterly grieved, each man for his sons and daughters. But David encouraged and strengthened himself in the Lord his God." (1 Samuel 30:6 AMP)  David looked around and all of his men were wanting to stone him, His wife had been taken, he had no one else to encourage him so he encouraged himself.  

So as I sit here in this hellaciously long winter, looking forward to spring I chose to read what moves me.  I decide to find others who have hung out in the cave, been sold down the river and left for dead.  I decide that I might die here but I will chose to encourage myself.  There is some song on my mp3 player and I would have to dig it out of my gym bag to tell you the name of the song but it says it's hard to kill a dead man.  So I submit to the death of Christ.  I submit to dying to self because once your are dead you can't be killed again.  So here in the last few days of the season of death I am going to give it up. As an act of my free will I chose to encourage myself and to sing praises to the Lord that there is a an end to winter, Aslan is on the move and despite Narnia has been in winter for 100 years He is going to bring spring and melt away the coldness.  

Lord, thank you for seeds of hope. For seasons of frost and for seasons of rain.  Thank you for the love and understanding of the people that live with me as they watch my process this out loud.  Thank you for the comfort of his arms and a wet shirt right where my face lies.  Thank you for the completion of the circle and for giving us what we need to get to you.  I know I am your favorite... I love being your little girl.  Thank you for dancing with me.