Today I have begun to prepare for this Farming/Homesteading Adventure. Ande and I both have a habit of putting the cart before the horse and this is no different. I have spend the day researching recipes of things that I will can. He has spent the evening reading about rabbits as a source of meat. No talk of the farmhouse remodel or how we get to that point from here. But what I can say, is that I enjoyed just some time of researching the things that give me happiness. I can't wait to make my own tomato sauce, my own salsa. I really do have a passion to be in the kitchen and it really is one of the things that I love to do.
I have had a lot of people try to really steer me lately. Everyone is worried about me and 1. my spiritual health and 2. my mental health. I can say this, right now the only thing I am feeling is overwhelmed. Physically I have a lot to do to prepare for this move, mentally I am just processing the transition, and spiritually I am holding on for dear life. So many want me to read this or see this or.... whatever. Here is where I am. I am done striving. I am done berating myself, just done. I am just ready to enjoy my life. I am just ready to take one day at a time, to be a wife and a mother. That doesn't mean that I am not chasing God, it just means that I am not going to beat myself up. I am going to quit doing Satan's work for him. I spend so much time pondering the past, stuck in unforgiveness that I really don't need him to do it for me or to me. It's only through Christ any of that is possible. I know that in my heart of hearts.
I have been led to believe that there is a path, a calling on my life. I have sat and waited and waited and every time life doesn't line up with my vision I get frustrated. I think this is the end. If the only people that I impact for Christ are my children, if the only pulpit I ever stand behind is the one at my grandfather's funeral, if that's all that I "achieve" then I will be satisfied. If I raise a family that loves God, if I allow Jesus' blood to wash me, my marriage, my kids - if that is all that I ever am capable of, then I will be satisfied. I will no longer look at other women and envy their postion, or their calling, their ministry. I will look in my mirror and see God's creation in me. That He calls me Beloved, and Worthy, not because of anything that I have done or possibly ever could do. He loves me, just because, he loves me.
Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for your intercession, your prayers, your whispers to the Father on my behalf. Thank you for your love. Thank you for calling me Beloved. Thank you for pulling me out of the ditch. Thank you for wrapping me in your finest garments. Lord, help me to reignite the worshiper in me. Lord, teach me to be a receiver, teach me to open my heart to you. Father, Son, Spirit of Comfort... thank you. For loving me outrageously. You are amazing.
Amen and amen!!!
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