Molly... and other dreams that give peace.

So do you like my new mascot?  Her name is Molly.  When Ande and I first got married my in laws had a cow at the farm named Molly.  Molly eventually choked on some grass and wasn't bled properly.  We had to soak roasts and stuff I believe in baking soda to kill the funky flavor.  I don't believe that we ate all of her... but Lord knows I was pregnant with Adam at the time and it was a bad time to be cooking meat anyway.  Let's just say I lost weight during my pregnancy because that is a lot nicer than coming up with a word like, upchuck, vomit, barforama before 9 am.  

I liked this cow picture because in my mind... she reminds me of me.  A little bit beachy, a little country, and thick around the middle.  It is a picture that makes me smile... and I love seeing her first thing.  So although I usually try to be a little more "serious" (as if) for now she will sit and visit with all of us.  One thing is for sure the look of this blog changes a lot.  When I really am pondering something to write, mulling it over, chewing the cud... (cow jokes are bad) I tend to start redecorating.  My blog is somewhere that is for me and by me and if I want to change the background every day I can... and I will.  I like to mooooooove stuff.  I know it's making me want to vomit too, I am going to try and refrain from the cow jokes.  

So this morning, I say morning because I was up until after 1 am, I had this dream.  I don't even know what the dream was about but, I know that I was sweeping my kitchen... (I used to dream about adventure, now I dream about sweeping). Someone in my dream said, "It's a privilege to worship God."  

It's judgment time for God's own family. We're first in line. If it starts with us, think what it's going to be like for those who refuse God's Message! 

If good people barely make it, What's in store for the bad?
So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it.

~1 Peter 4:17-19

I have really been struggling to keep my head above water these past few days.  It just seems like the waves of disappointment don't stop.  I just really need a cranalanalectomy.  Back to that whole perspective thing.  It's not our circumstances, it's our perspective.  Not the events but our reactions.  I just wish that I could grasp that more often.  Without taking 4 days of pouting to get there.  I wish that as soon as I got the revelation that my shoulders would relax.  I wish that somewhere comfort would come and just wash all of this tension away.  The Holy Spirit is The Comforter... I just seem to not be firing on all cylinders. 

Psalm 77

I cry out to God; yes, I shout.
Oh, that God would listen to me!
When I was in deep trouble,
I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
but my soul was not comforted.
I think of God, and I moan,
overwhelmed with longing for his help.
Interlude
You don’t let me sleep.
I am too distressed even to pray!
I think of the good old days,
long since ended,
when my nights were filled with joyful songs.
I search my soul and ponder the difference now.
Has the Lord rejected me forever?
Will he never again be kind to me?
Is his unfailing love gone forever?
Have his promises permanently failed?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he slammed the door on his compassion?
Interlude

And I said, “This is my fate;
the Most High has turned his hand against me.”
But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
They are constantly in my thoughts.
I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

O God, your ways are holy.
Is there any god as mighty as you?
You are the God of great wonders!
You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.
By your strong arm, you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Interlude

When the Red Sea saw you, O God,
its waters looked and trembled!
The sea quaked to its very depths.
The clouds poured down rain;
the thunder rumbled in the sky.
Your arrows of lightning flashed.
Your thunder roared from the whirlwind;
the lightning lit up the world!
The earth trembled and shook.
Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters—
a pathway no one knew was there!
You led your people along that road like a flock of sheep,
with Moses and Aaron as their shepherds.

Lord, I know that you are a God of miracles.  I know that you know me, and my heart.  Lord, I don't know what I am looking for, I don't know what I am seeking, but I know that I need you in a way that I never have before.  There is a passion,. a desire for you that just can't seem to be satisfied.  I feel "appetizers" but I need so much more.  I always need more.  Lord, I long for the peace that passes understanding.  I don't claim to know or to understand what is going on.  But what I know, what I hold onto... You are a Loving God, a Merciful God, You sent Jesus, to show me that I was worth dying for.  Lord, you long for me and hide just beyond my view to keep me seeking you in the way of the Song of Solomon.  I crave you, I shrivel without out.  I am nothing, and You my God, my King, my Lover, my Redeemer, my Savior... are Everything.