All of it... or ALL of it?

Boy it's been an exciting few days.  I have gotten my sister married off.  Now some of you will say now JL, you don't have a sister.  But I would say to you that yes indeed I do. I have a lifelong friend... she knows my past and my present and can help me remember where I have come from.  She has given me more grace than anyone but Jesus.  I love her, but she isn't my sister.  I have friends that I love, adore, we have common interests and I love any amount of time that I get to spend with them.  But this girl, who weaseled her way into my heart... God said, "You have been whining about wanting a sister for 34 years... here she is".  

Getting her to this point has been excrutiating.  For her, him and well a plethora of others over the last year... my has it only been a year?  However, these last few weeks have been the most painful.  Throwing showers, having to go to places and see faces that I want to just forget.  Having to be a sister and walk through my own pain for her joy... has been well, let's just say it ain't been no walk in the park.  However, sisters do what sisters do and I wouldn't have traded any of this for anything.  Really I wouldn't.  That smile is worth it... 

The Lord and I have been talking over the last few months about events coming up and whether or not I am to participate.  Like the wedding, the shower, there are things that are coming up that I have had to decide what I am going to do.  Whether I am going to lay myself out there or am I going to whole up and protect myself.  I told everyone that today was the day that I would make my final decision.  That today, God would let me know what I am supposed to do.  Being at the wedding... seeing the faces - there was no pain.  Just joy, and family.  Real family, not the kind you are obligated to, or have nothing in common with, but God family of like minds and a an overwhelming powerful love for Jesus the Christ.  

So, I get through the wedding and I am at the gym walking the inside track like I do most nights from 8:15-8:45, listening to my worship music, just walking.  This has become a powerful time in my life.  With no distractions, submitting my flesh to cardio and fat burning... God talks to me and I worship.  So as I am walking... I am listening to Jeremy Camp - Take My Life. God says... you told me I could take your life.  Are you done hiding?  Or are you going to step up and be the woman that I have created you to be?  Well I guess that is my answer isn't it?  He is telling me that in the last year He has changed me.  Has it really only been a year since this really started?  Wow, Lord you are amazing.  I am humbled that you would even consider me worthy to be called your friend, much less to be used by you.

My spiritual mother always says we can go to battle because we know the healer.  So if I get hurt I can run to Him, he has loved me through much worse and lately His word for me has been perserverance.  Through perserverance the snail reached the ark.  And I will reach my ability to enjoy the journey of His will for me.  Because everyday is His will.  I can do nothing without Him.  His will is not a destination, it is everyday.  My everyday sacrifice of myself, my preferences.  Some may, others may not.  I am one that may not.

He has asked me to be naked and vulnerable and to swiim in my own bowl... to be ye seperate.  Is it going to hurt?  Probably like hell, and I going to do it anyway?  Absolutely.  I have no choice but to submit to His love.