Keep on swimming...

Sometimes, just sometimes it's hard to keep your head above the water.

I have been reading Scarlett the sequel to Gone with the Wind that isn't really a sequel because Margaret Mitchell didn't write it, none the less, I adore Scarlet and sometimes when the boat capsizes you just have to keep swimming.  No matter how cold the water or how desperately that you want to just sleep.

I can say that in the last six months my whole life has been turned upside down.  Not by an any one act but by a series of things.  Either way, my boat has capsized and I have been treading water waiting for the Coasties to arrive.  Just when I think I am ready to start swimming, another storm comes and treading is all that I can do.  What I have to keep reminding myself is to not give up.  God reminded me this week through a friend of Psalm 73.

Truly God is good to Israel,
to those whose hearts are pure.
But as for me, I almost lost my footing.
My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
For I envied the proud
when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
They seem to live such painless lives;
their bodies are so healthy and strong.
They don’t have troubles like other people;
they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.
They wear pride like a jeweled necklace
and clothe themselves with cruelty.

These fat cats have everything
their hearts could ever wish for!
They scoff and speak only evil;
in their pride they seek to crush others.
They boast against the very heavens,
and their words strut throughout the earth.
And so the people are dismayed and confused,
drinking in all their words.
“What does God know?” they ask.
“Does the Most High even know what’s happening?”
Look at these wicked people—
enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.
Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?
Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
I get nothing but trouble all day long;
every morning brings me pain.

If I had really spoken this way to others,
I would have been a traitor to your people.
So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper.
But what a difficult task it is!
Then I went into your sanctuary, O God,
and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
Truly, you put them on a slippery path
and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.
In an instant they are destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors.
When you arise, O Lord,
you will laugh at their silly ideas
as a person laughs at dreams in the morning.

Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant—
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.

Those who desert him will perish,
for you destroy those who abandon you.
But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

The thing is I didn't even realize it.  The thing about people in third world countries is that they don't know that they are in a third world country.  Their Momma did it that way, they don't know any different.  Tradition continues.  It's not until prosperous people come that the realize that they lack anything.  Could we all have more...absolutely but at what cost?

I chose Christ, even when my flesh takes over and I lose it in a moment, afterwards I still long for Christ.  I repent, ask forgiveness, give forgiveness and then ask for His healing.  There are so many times that I have belittled myself for my actions and God has said honey, I take you just as you are because you chose me.  Much like David.  David made mistakes, but he always sought God.

At this time in our country, I watch the bailouts, the stimulus deals... and I am reminded of this chapter.  There is such greed in America.  We are never satisfied.  We always want bigger badder faster... It's Tim the Toolman Coveting.  We judge ourselves by what others have, or don't have, or crutch on and very often don't open our hearts to the examination of God the Father.  

Are there times I want to give up... to give in and let the ease of the wickedness take over?  To just be like everyone else?  Absofreakinlutely.  However, "others may - you cannot".  I don't seem to get very far into wickedness until my heart cried out for Jesus... "This flesh is killing me please come save me!" I know we all want to "be done".  I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life and get on with it.  Jesus is in control, really He is.  I can't force it... I can't envy others, what I can do is be flexible and allow God to change my mind and my will.  Moment by moment.

Thank you Lord!